Louder Than Words
by TheArtOfWarAndPeace
Summary: My boyfriend, Eren Jaeger, disappeared ten days before his seventeenth birthday. Six months later, he was found again, completely intact save for his mental and emotional scars. Oh, and the fact that he would never be able to speak again. And so, we all started to rebuild from the debris that had been left in the destruction of our lives. [Humor/Angst/Family/Friendship genre]
1. Prologue: 1-Past

My boyfriend, Eren Jaeger, disappeared ten days before his seventeenth birthday.

It wasn't just him either. Lot's of other teenage kids had been disappearing before that, but the police where sitting on their lazy asses until the FBI got involved, I suppose.  
Eren was athletic, playing basketball and baseball, and had decided to walk home with his friend and fellow teammate, Marco, and his girlfriend, Mina, before they all three disappeared. Before that, it had been Thomas Wagner, some kid named Daz, another named Franz, and a teacher, Miss. Langer.

It unsettled the parents of Shiganshina, but after three kids where taken, there was a city-wide curfew, police were working extra hours, and nobody traveled alone. My own mother was sure to text me every half hour just to make sure I was alright. It might have been annoying if my boyfriend hadn't been taken, but I understood.

The only people who were just as upset about Eren's disappearance where probably his parents, his adopted sister and my sort of cousin, Mikasa, and his friend Armin. Armin was scarily level headed about Eren's disappearance, while Mikasa and I would have tore the entire town apart if it weren't for Armin diffusing us with just a few words.

It was frustrating, waiting for the cops and the FBI to do their jobs. We knew that after a certain amount of time, missing people were pronounced dead. But we all refused to believe him to be dead. Eren Jaeger couldn't die. He was way to determined and spirited for that.

It weighed heavily on me that I might never see those brilliant green eyes that held such fire in them or feel his body against mine. The last thing I ever said to him was something about him taking a shit. I thought about this every night as a week turned into a month, then into three.

Nobody had any leads. The last person who had seen them was Eren and Marco's baseball coach, who had offered them a ride, but they had refused. They guy had looked pretty torn up about it, saying that he wished he had insisted. At the time, I wished that too.

Mikasa's kind-of boyfriend, Jean Kirstein, was best friends with Marco and was pretty torn up about his best friend and his girlfriend's brother going missing, even if he didn't always get along with Eren.

Being a year older than Eren, I graduated at the end of May, but I felt a giant hole in my heart, knowing that Eren couldn't see it. It was painful living every day without him.

At the end of June, I decided against going to college to stay at home and work. I suppose that I was depressed and holding on the hope that Eren would come back.

Six months passed and pretty much any hope of finding the missing people was lost. Nobody had been kidnapped since March, so the FBI was going to declare it a cold case.

That is, they were until Krista Lenz, a small, blonde girl with a sweet disposition, was almost kidnapped. Somehow, her girlfriend had stopped the bastard, who ran, but not before the two girls saw who it was and reported him immediately to the police.

That opened a whole can of worms. It was apparently the fucking coach. The police didn't find a trace of him at first, getting a warrant to search his house and found a hidden basement after some searching.

They don't tell you this shit in the newspapers or on the news. What they found made some of the most seasoned officers vomit, apparently.

All the people that had been kidnapped were down there. Some of them were mangled and ripped apart. Franz was missing his legs, Mina, her head, Marco part of his right side. It was gory, it was disgusting, and they said the smell just about knocked them out.

They were all decaying and they all had scars on their throats. At least, from what they could tell from the corpses.

They found Eren and pronounced him dead at the scene until he bolted upright and scuttled away from the police, his mouth open the entire time, seemingly screaming, but no sound came out.

The reports said he was completely naked, starved, dehydrated, but there were no marks on him except for surgical scars at his throat.

That wasn't all they found either. The bastard coach had been trying to make some sort of artificial human and had been collecting body parts. The next thing on his list had been labeled "Hair".

His "surgery" room was separated from the room by a soundproof window. Not much about what really happened would be explained until much, much later.

I was fucking glad that the son of a bitch turned up days later, dead, apparently by suicide.

Eren was sedated and taken immediately to the hospital. I still remember getting a call from Mikasa at the beginning of October in the middle of the day, sobbing. My heart fell, fearing the worst, but then she managed to get out that he was alive and that he was at the hospital.

I left work early that day, not even explaining to my boss as I raced to the hospital. I found Eren's family there already. They wouldn't let any of us in yet, but as we waited, they dropped the bomb on us.

Eren would never be able to speak ever again. His vocal chords had been removed and due to the unskilled hands that had taken it from him, damaged the muscles and tissues and his throat had healed wrong. There was nothing that they could do.

It was a lot better than finding him dead, that was certain, but we all knew that the injury to Eren's throat would be nothing compared to the mental scars he had.

It was hard at first; every time he woke up, he started to thrash and his version of screaming would happen. I was there every time it happened, as well as Mikasa and Eren's parents.

His eyes would snap open and his pupils were dilated. His heart rate would go up drastically as he put his hands over his ears and kicked and bit, trying to get away from all the doctor's and nurses. Nobody could figure out what was happening with him and the doctor's had suggested putting Eren in a mental facility, to which Mikasa and I vehemently were against. But in the end, it wasn't really our decision to make.

He was there for two days before he was restrained and separated, being labeled as a danger to himself and to others. However, this didn't change anything as he spent anytime he was awake, crying, thrashing, and trying to scream.

It was then that Armin came up with an answer.

Eren was terrified of silence.

We managed to test this theory, Armin bringing in an iPod with headphones and managed to put them on Eren.

After weeks of fighting and sobbing, Eren calmed down instantly.

And from then on, Eren never took off the headphones. Anytime the doctors tried, Eren would react violently. So on they stayed.

Eren stayed in the hospital for a while longer. Despite his inability to speak, his personality still shown through from time to time. I once tried to help him with a puzzle that he seemed to be struggling with, and he fixed me with a glare that reminded me of the times he got frustrated with me for cleaning his room.

Mikasa once tried to wipe food off his face, and he smacked her hands away and huffed. He probably would have told her to stop acting so motherly towards him if he could have spoken.

He was much the same, but he was also much different.

He had nightmares every night. The doctor's prescribed him anxiety medication for his frequent panic attacks. He hardly ever looked at anyone anymore.

He wouldn't let anyone cut his hair either. His mother had come in one time with scissors, saying that she would cut his hair that was past his shoulder. Once he had seen the scissors, however, Eren had freaked out.

Once he was calmed down, he wouldn't stop giving his mother angry looks as if it was her fault scissors existed.

I could tell he wanted to scream sometimes. Scream with rage, frustration, sadness. But he couldn't. It was times like these where we would find him punching his pillow with an angry look on his face. The doctors had run in, ready to sedate him, but he sat back on his bed and complied with their wishes.

He wasn't being violent, he was just trying to channel his anger. Without his voice, he was having a harder time with that.

Jean had come to visit, as well as Annie, who had been close friends with Mina. Once Eren had seen them, he started sobbing uncontrollably. The whole time, the only thing he mouthed was 'I'm sorry' over and over again.

Eren seemed to blame himself for their brutal deaths, but Jean and Annie sat with Eren for a long time, comforting him and assuring him that they didn't blame him at all.

It was when Annie left that she surprised me.

"We got it easy," she said quietly to me.

"What do you mean?" I had asked her.

She looked at me with those pale blue eyes that seemed to be emotionless, but I could see sorrow in them.

"I lost one of my best friends," Annie said, "But Eren...he lost so much more."

She didn't say anything else, but Jean seemed to be in agreement with her.

Armin started to teach Eren sign language. At first, Eren was stubborn and refused to learn. Since he also refused to write in a notebook to tell us what he wanted to say, there was no way to find out what he was thinking.

But then one day, he sat in front of Armin expectantly, waiting for his blond friend to teach him. I learned along with Eren. I bought sign language books to learn as well and let Eren borrow them. It was as if he had finally realized he was never going to be able to speak again.

As for where Eren and I stood, I had no answer. I knew better to assume that we were still dating, but I wasn't going to leave Eren's side. We still maintained a closeness, but Eren had yet to acknowledge our relationship at all. Granted, our relationship was the least he had to worry about.

The one time I had grasped his hand, he pulled it away, looking at me with a pained expression on his face. I didn't try and touch him again. But there had been one time when I had fallen asleep, arms crossed on the bed and head lying on them, when I was awakened by Eren playing with my hair. I didn't want to disturb the one time he was touching me of his own free will, so I pretended to sleep until he withdrew his hand.

On one of the last days he was at the hospital, he had finally written one thing down in his notebook.

_What happened to him?_

We instantly knew exactly what he was talking about.

His father, Grisha, answered for us all.

"He killed himself before the police found him," he said and a taut voice.

Eren looked down for the longest time before looking back up, a familiar look of determination and rage on it.

_He deserved a more painful death_, he wrote, but he didn't mention it again.

And so, we all started to rebuild from the debris that had been left in the destruction of our lives.

* * *

**Decided to post this story on as well as AO3. :)**


	2. 1-Present

__Six Months Later__

* * *

"We're home!" Grisha announces as he pulls into the driveway.

Of course, Eren doesn't hear the announcement as he has headphones on that completely blocks out sounds except for his music. Knowing this, Mikasa taps him on the shoulder, making him snap his eyes open and look around at his surroundings. His eyes finally lock on me and I smile encouragingly.

"You're home," I tell him, my hands saying the same thing in sign language. All of us had taken up talking while signing, making it easier for us and Eren to learn.

Armin would be here with us now, but he had to take his grandfather to a doctor's appointment. Eren seemed a little a disappointed when he found out that his best friend wouldn't be here to witness his homecoming, but brightened up one Armin let him know that he would be over as soon as the appointment was over.

His hair is long now, still refusing to have it cut. He puts it back in a ponytail, like his father does with his hair. I have to say, the long haired Eren is strangely adorable.

He looks outside, seeing his parents exit the car. I open the other side in the backseat and start to get out, but then notic that Eren hasn't moved. Mikasa gives a worried glance over at me before she taps Eren on the arm again.

Not looking and shrugging her off, he huffs and opens the door, stepping outside, leaving the door open for Mikasa.

It's the first time that Eren has been at his house in over a year. We are all on edge on how he is going react. After being in captivity for six months and in the hospital for six more, nobody is sure how he will adjust back to his life, if he even can.

He stands, frozen for a second before he pops his lips, something he has started doing often to relieve tension, and walks around to the trunk of the car, opens it and drags his suitcase out of the back.

I suppress a smirk. I should have known that Eren wouldn't let himself be babied or pitied. He still has his headstrong personality, despite what had happened to him.

He slams the trunk shut and everyone else moves into action. Mikasa and I get out of the car while Grisha fumbles for the keys and Carla smiles at her son, ruffling his hair, even though he is much taller than her now.

Getting into the house was another thing. Eren stops and looks around, seeing that everything is exactly as it had been before. The stairs are still in the foyer, the pictures on the wall leading the way to the second floor, even the fake plant on the hallway table is still here.

He takes in a shaky breath before he sets down his bag.

"__Is my room still in the same place?__" he asks in the only way he could.

"Yes," Carla answers, smiling, "Mikasa can help you with your stuff."

"__I don't need her to carry my stuff,__" he objects, "__I'm not going to fucking break.__"

Carla obviously hasn't learned the sign for "fucking" quite yet, but Grisha gives his son a disapproving look and Mikasa slaps him on the back of the head.

"Come on, Eren," she says, picking his bag up more easily than he had, making him roll his eyes and follow her up the stairs.

I go to follow, but a hand wraps around my arm, pulling me to a stop. I turn to see Grisha looking at me.

"Actually, Levi, could Carla and I talk to you for a few minutes?" he asks seriously. These past couple months, they both had been nothing but gracious to me and hadn't questioned my presence during Eren's recovery, treating me like family. But I can only imagine that they still have their reservations about some things.

"Sure," I shrug and he releases me, "Kitchen?"

He nods and leads the way. Eren glances at us as he climbs the stairs, giving us a quizzical look, but I dismiss him with a quick wave of the hand.

"Do you want anything to drink?" Carla asks me, going straight for the fridge as I sit down at the counter.

"Ah, no, I'm good, Mrs. Jaeger," I respond. What I honestly want to do was to go upstairs and be with Eren.

She nods but still gets water out and pours two glasses before Grisha starts to speak.

"Carla and I have been a bit concerned about what you want from Eren," he says bluntly. Good. I like people who don't beat around the bush.

"Nothing," I answer honestly, sounding a little bit more defensive than I meant to be.

"We know that you were dating our son before he disappeared," Carla starts, "But I think it would be...foolish to consider that you two will be able to pick up where you left off."

Is she fucking serious?

"What my wife means to say is that we don't know if Eren is emotionally stable to consider any type of relationship," Grisha adds, "He may seem like he is adjusting well, but-"

"Excuse me while I interrupt you," I say, trying my best not to let my anger get a hold of me, "But I don't think I've been doing anything to even__suggest__ that I want to bang Eren. I loved him before he was kidnapped and I love him now, but that doesn't mean I'm stupid enough to forget the fact that he's been through hell."  
"We didn't mean-"

"I'm sorry, Levi," Grisha says, running a hand through his hair. I noticed that Eren picked up this habit from his father a while ago. I used to constantly tease him about it and Eren hated knowing that he resembled his father in any way. "Let us be more clear."

"Please do," I bite out. I have stayed all these fucking months and now they are suggesting that I have only done so to stick my dick in Eren again. Do they think that little of me?

"Carla and I are concerned about you almost as much as we are concerned for Eren," he admits honestly, "Before...you and Eren were good for each other and I knew he genuinely loved you and we both loved having you being a part of all of our lives. We are just concerned that you are not only setting Eren up for heartbreak, but yourself as well."

That...is unexpectedly kind.

"We know that you love him dearly," Carla says, sipping her water, "You've done more than most men would have in a situation like this. You've stuck beside him through it all. Our fear is that you will exhaust yourself trying to stay by his side when your relationship might not ever be the same. If that were to happen, we don't know what either of you would do. If you were to finally decide that you couldn't do this for the long haul, it would break Eren. He depends on you right now, just as much as he depends on the rest of us."

It is quiet for a moment and both of them look as if they were trying to find a better way to state their thoughts, but I understand. If I were in their spot, I would have the same reservations. Mikasa is family to Eren, Armin is a childhood friend that is as unwaveringly loyal as Mikasa, and these two are his parents. To them, I am just some kid that doesn't know what he is getting himself into.

"Mr. and Mrs. Jaeger," I say quietly, looking down at the counter, "This whole thing is really shitty. You two don't deserve to go through this. Mikasa and Armin don't deserve it either. Eren is the last person in the world that should have gone through...whatever shit he went through. That being said, I know what you are saying, but I'm not going to abandon Eren, no matter what. I love him. And even if he never wants me to ever touch him again, I'm still going to be here for him. This whole damn thing hurts, but it would hurt more for me to leave him. So I'm sticking with him, if you don't mind."

"What if he told you to leave?" Grisha asks and I look up at him, seeing that he is giving me a level look, "If he told you to leave, that your presence was too painful, would you leave."

"No," I say without any hesitation, "Would you?"

Carla seems taken aback with my answer while Grisha thinks over my answer carefully. As he continues to look at me through his glasses with narrowed eyes, I focus on not fidgeting and keeping my face its usual blank slate. After a moment, he smiles slightly.

"No. Family doesn't abandon family," he says quietly.

"Exactly," I agree, daring him to say that Eren isn't my family, but he doesn't. He just nods and drinks some of his water.

"I'm impressed, Levi," Grisha tells me and Carla chuckles. I remember Eren saying that his father is 'too damn hard to please' and despite myself, I feel some pride blossom in my chest.

The peaceful moment is interrupted by a sharp cry.

"Carla! Grisha!"

It's Mikasa and she sounds a bit panicky.

Both parents leave their glasses of water and rush upstairs with me following close behind.

The upstairs is a strange layout, only having two rooms upstairs separated by a sort of living room in between them. There is a TV and a couch with a huge, plush chair right next to the window. It's a nice set up and there had been multiple times when Eren had invited me to hang out with him and his friends and all they did was just chill in this living room space.

Eren's room is the room on the left, having remained exactly the same since Eren's disappearance. The walls are navy blue with a gray carpet. Eren has a few poster's up of his favorite bands; Metallica, Fall Out Boy, and for some fucking reason, The Dixie Chicks.

However, that isn't what we are focused on when we come into the bedroom.

Eren is in the corner of his room, eyes shut tight, hands over the headphones, and mouth open and moving, which we knew by now was him trying to scream something at us.

"What happened?" Grisha asks calmly, kneeling in front of Eren.

"I don't know," Mikasa says, wringing her hands, "I just was unpacking his stuff and he started doing this. He was fine. He was looking around his room so I knew he would be okay while I got his clothes out."

I immediately start looking around the room. I look out both windows, but there is nothing there that could have made him freak out.

"Do you see any triggers, Levi?" Grisha says, glancing over at me. Carla is trying to comfort her son, but he is still not calming down.

"No sir," I respond, looking over his entire room. Besides a few baseball trophies on his dresser, I can't think of anything...

Wait. On his dresser, is a picture of the entire team at their last tournament. Right next to Eren, with his arm around Eren's shoulders, is the bastard coach. Trigger found.

I grab the frame and manage to take the photo out. I then pull the first drawer open, his sock drawer, and dig out a lighter.

He will be horrified once he finds out that I have somewhat shown his parents where his secret stash of weed is, but this is more important.

I shove the drawer shut and grab the empty wastebasket before going over to sit in front of Eren.

"Levi...?" Mikasa says, but I ignored her.

I put my hand on Eren's arm, trying to get his attention. He opens his eyes but didn't stop 'screaming'. He notices the picture I had, and even though it was flipped so he can't see what it was of, he starts shaking his head angrily and covers his throat.

Without saying a word, I flick the lighter and put it to the photograph. He stops trembling and panicking to watch as the flames engulfed the picture. I flip it over so he can see his coach's face being burned off and erased from existence. Everyone else is holding their breath, waiting to see what Eren's reaction would be. We all seem to be doing that a lot lately.

When the fire gets to close to my fingers, I drop the burning photo into the garbage can and we all watch the rest of it burn. Eren is the first to look at me.

"He's dead, Eren," I tell him, "That fucker isn't going to hurt you ever again."

Eren nods determinedly, but his single tear doesn't go unnoticed.

"__I want to lay down for a little bit,__" he signs eventually, popping his lips, and we all stand, Mikasa helping him up.

"Do you want to be alone?" I ask him, and despite the conversation I had downstairs with his parents, I hope that he will want me to stay.

He looks over at us before he asks, "__Can you stay, Mom? Please?__"

She looks a little shocked, but nods. Grisha gives his son a kiss on the forehead and Mikasa gives him a reassuring squeeze on the hand. I am about to walk out of the room with the others, but Eren grabs my hand and I turn back to face him.

"__Thank you,__" he says before releasing my hand, leaving a warm feeling where he had been touching.

"Anything for you, Bright Eyes," I say, making use of my old nickname for him and for the first time in months, I see a light blush on his face before he turns away.


	3. 2-Past

"You invited him to our study group?"

"Please, Levi, don't say it like it's the end of the world," Hanji said dismissively, "Eren doesn't seem to have any friends in our class and I thought it would be fun."  
"What about that blond kid with the weird hair?" I asked, "I always see them together. Or his sister?"

"They aren't in the same AP French class as us," Hanji answered, "Come on, Levi. You know Hitch and the rest of them aren't going to go out of their way to include him. What's the big deal?"

"The big deal is that he wants my dick," I huffed.

Hanji glanced at me before cracking up.

"You fucker," I growled, "It's true! He's always looking at me in class and he's talked to me about the most random shit."

"You know, I wish I had your ego," Hanji laughed, "Thinking that he wants you when he is probably trying to make friends."

I rolled my eyes. Obviously Hanji wasn't getting it.

"Yeah?" I challenged, "Have you seen him talk to anybody else in that class? You haven't seen the way he looks at me either. He definitely wants to ask me out."

Hanji shrugged.

"Maybe you're right," she said, "But what does it matter? If he asks you out, just tell him you're straight and you have the hots for Petra, even though you still don't have the balls to ask her out. It's not like he's going to stalk you."

"He might," I grumbled.

I wasn't too sure about the freshman with green eyes that most of the girls swooned over. It was no secret that he was gay as the fourth of July, but nobody really had a problem with it.

And it wasn't as if I had a problem with it either. My best friend, Erwin, was gay and even said I was his first crush. I liked to think of myself as Erwin's sexual awakening, even though he knew I could never see him as anything more than a friend.

"Get over yourself, Levi," Hanji huffed, "He's coming and that's that."

"Who's coming?" a newer voice said and we both looked up to see the rest of our study group approaching the table that they usually sat at in the library. It was Petra who had asked the question and I felt a numb feeling in my stomach. She always looked really adorable. Unfortunately, I wasn't the only one who noticed this as her childhood friend, Auruo had realized around the same time as I did that Petra was quite the catch.

"Hanji invited that Jaeger kid to study with us," I answered sullenly as I looked out the window, seeing that it had started to downpour.

"You mean the cutie with the fantastic eyes and the great ass?" Erwin asked as he sat down, "Good call, Hanji."  
"Levi seems to think that Eren wants him," Hanji told the blond.

"Levi thinks that everyone wants him," Gunter interjected teasingly, "Hell, the lunch lady probably wants him."

"School nurse too," Erd added.

"Mr. Zackly," Petra laughs.

"Principal Reiss."

"Hell, Ymir probably wants you too," Hanji teased as said girl came around the corner, looking for a book.

"Fuck off," the freckled girl deadpanned as she rolled her eyes, leaving the group to their idiocy.

"You guys are dicks," I spat as they all dissolved into quiet laughter.

"Yup, and we all want yours," Erwin chuckled and the group couldn't contain themselves.

I was about to start another round of swearing before my eyes shifted to someone who was approaching the table.

"Uh, hey, Hanji," Eren greeted once he reached the gathering of people.

"Eren! Hey!" she said before patting the seat next to her, "Come on, sit! Guys, this is Eren, as you already know. These beautiful idiots are Erwin, Gunter, Auruo, Petra, Erd, and Levi. Levi says you've been acquainted before."

I caught the double meaning of her tone even if Eren did not and I scowled at her.

"He mentioned me?" Eren asked, surprised, "Anytime I've talked to him, he's seemed annoyed by me."

"Well that's because he thinks-"

"That you __are__ annoying," Levi finished before Erwin could finish his sentence, glaring at the blond hulk of a man.

"Oh," Eren seemed to deflate a bit but Hanji clapped him on the back.

"Don't worry. Levi thinks all of us are annoying but he still hangs out with us," Hanji assured him, "So now, you're already one of us."

Eren grinned and I could practically feel Erwin swooning. I rolled his eyes and looked over at Petra who was hiding a smile but looking back at me.

"So, Eren," Erwin said, leaning forward on the table, "What makes you want to hang out with a bunch of sophomores after school. Surely you have other friends."

Eren looked over at Erwin and gave a sheepish grin.

"Well, I do," he said, running his fingers through his hair, "But I thought it would be fun to join you guys. Especially since none of my other friends are in the same class. Hanji invited me and you guys seemed like an interesting group of people to get to know."

I could have sworn his eyes flicked to me when he said that last part. Auruo coughed.

"You aren't so bad, I guess," he sniffed and Petra rolled her eyes before jabbing him with her elbow.

"Well, maybe we should get to studying," Petra suggested, "Mr. Zackly gave us quite a bit to do so the sooner we get it done, the better."

We all begrudgingly pulled our books and worksheets that our teacher had given us and started our study group as usual. Eren proved to be relatively good at finding the answers and more than once, Hanji boasted about inviting him. Aurou was right. He wasn't so bad.

It was about an hour later that we finished up and everyone started packing their stuff up and dispersing. In some cruel twist of fate, or rather, my friends being dicks, I was left alone with Eren.

"Do you really find me annoying?" Eren asked after a few moments and I sighed, hefting my backpack over my shoulder.

"Did it really bother you that much?" I asked rhetorically, "Fucking hell. No, you aren't __that__ annoying. Keep asking me shit like this though, and I might change my opinion."

Eren had the audacity to grin at me and I started to walk away, not wanting to deal with his shit. I could hear Eren getting his things together behind me before catching up to me.

"Hanji was right," he said and I repressed a groan, "You aren't really all that bad."

"Good to know I'm talked about," I said, "But you don't have to keep talking to me now."

"What if I want to talk to you?" Eren asked as we exited the library and I stopped short, glaring at him.

"What the fuck do you want from me? I didn't see you bothering any of the other group members like this."

"That's because I didn't want to take any of the group members out," Eren said cheekily.

I wished that I had bet Hanji because I would have been raking in the dough. I __knew__ this bastard wanted me. I couldn't wait to give a giant 'I told you so' to everyone else.

I had to hand it to the kid though, he was blunt and straightforward. I respected that.

"Look, Bright Eyes," I sighed, "You're nice and all, but I'm straight and happen to have someone I'm interested in."

He looked taken aback for a second before he smiled sheepishly.

"Wow, I'm sorry," he apologized, which caught me off guard, "It's Petra right? I guess I should have figured, but I make it a point to never assume anything."

"You assumed I was gay," I pointed out.

"Not really. I counted on the fact that if you were straight, you would tell me, which you did," Eren countered.

"That's still assuming that I would tell you anything," I said boredly.

He looked at me before he cracked a smile.

"Yeah, I suppose I did," Eren admitted, "Oh, well. I guess I still assume things. But Petra, huh? She's pretty cute."

I stared at him long enough for him to become uncomfortable.

"What?" he asked, running his hand through his hair again.

"That's it? You aren't going to try and convince me to go out with you and that I'm not really straight?" I asked in a hard tone, convinced that he was fucking with me.

Eren shrugged.

"Why would I? You already said you're straight," he answered, "It would be like Hanji trying to convince me to go out with her. I think you were assuming that I am a dick who won't take no for an answer."

I ignored his comment, mostly because it was true, and snorted.

"You wouldn't want to date Hanji even __if__ she was a guy," I told him.

"You never know," he responded, "She's a bit...high strung, but I bet there is someone who can settle her down."

I rolled my eyes and started walking again. Eren followed after me like a lost fucking puppy.

"But seriously," he said, "I think Petra likes you. You should ask her out. I think she would say yes."

"Who the fuck asked you?" I said irritably, "And don't you have better things to do besides follow me to my car?"

"Just trying to make conversation," Eren said with raised eyebrows, "But I'm walking, so not really. You have a license? Aren't you only fifteen?"  
Wait, he was walking home? I was pretty sure it was still raining and he wasn't going to call anyone?

He must have read my mind because he said, "I'm only walking to the bus stop. It's only a couple blocks away."

I groaned and knew that I would probably regret what I was about to do.

"I don't have a license, just a permit," I answered, "My mom is probably waiting for me. I'll drive your sorry ass home that way you save on bus fare."

"No, it's-"

"Shut the fuck up and let me do my annual good deed," I spat and he shut up right away.

We walked in silence until we were almost outside before I said, "And hey, if you still want dick, Erwin kept checking out your ass."

Eren had the decency to blush at that.


	4. 2-Present

"How is Eren?" my mother asks and I look up from my cereal.

My mom has been unsurprisingly supportive throughout this whole ordeal. More than once she has told me that she is proud to have a son that would stick by someone he loves. I think she is just happy that I didn't turn out to be like my dad.

"He's adjusting," I say before returning to my cereal.

My mom is what some would call exuberant. Sometimes she is just a pain in the ass. I may have her looks, but I definitely did not inherit her personality.

It had only been a week since Eren had returned home and things seemed to be going well. Armin and I were over as much as we could be, practically living at the Jaeger household. Jean was there often too, but more for Mikasa. Him and Eren had always had friendly rivalry going on, but Jean seemed to lay off a bit, showing just how much the kid actually cared.

"Do you think that you could take the brownies I baked over to Carla?" my mom asks.

"You baked brownies?" I sniff the air but don't smell the leftover scent of brownies.

"Not yet, but by the time you are done with work, they will be fresh and hot!" she says excitedly.

I roll my eyes. Obviously, it's my mom's day off. She owns a flower shop in town and can't ever stand to be not busy. Then again, I'm the same, always cleaning when I'm not working or with Eren. I clean, she cooks.

"Yeah, I'll take them," I tell her, "You always make the best brownies anyway."

"That's because I lace them with weed!"

I almost choke on my cereal, not expecting this, even though I should have. Not only is my mom exuberant, but she is also very eccentric at times too. Her and Hanji got along great.

"That explains a lot," I say with no expression, knowing she was kidding, "I would prefer not to drug the Jaegers today though. Maybe you should lay off the extra seasoning."

"Well, they won't taste as good, but I suppose I can do that," my mom says, "I'll have to find some other way to drug you up."

"You are fucking weird," I mumble.

"Watch your damn mouth, Levi!" she counters and I roll my eyes. Typical conversation between my mom and I. At least this time, we aren't talking about pubic hair, which has happened before.

My mom's face turns serious.

"Levi, how are you doing?" she asks, genuinely concerned. I know she has been worried about me, even though I have tried to show her that I am alright. I should have known I couldn't fool her.

"I don't know," I sigh, giving up on my cereal for the time being, "I don't know what to think or feel anymore. How does someone even deal with something like this?"

My mom reaches across the small table and grasps my hand.

"I don't know, sweetheart," she says, "Surviving isn't about knowing what to do. It's knowing that you have something to live for and pushing forward and you will find that you have always known what to do."

"That makes no damn sense, Mom," I say and she chuckles.

"Maybe not, but listen, Levi," she says seriously, "Eren isn't the only one who isn't alone. You are there for Eren, but don't forget that you have people there for you too. Carla and Grisha, Mikasa, Hanji, Erwin, me. We are all here for you just as much as you are there for Eren, alright."

I squeeze her hand in reassurance.

"Alright, Mom," I answer her, "Thank you."  
She squeezes back.

"No problem, sweetheart," she says before she releases my hand and stands, "Now eat up. You have work soon and I don't want your sorry ass being late for work. And you better wear your glasses."

"Watch your damn mouth, Mom," I say and she smacks me on the back of the head as she passes by.

"Don't talk to your mother that way," she warns as she heads into the kitchen.

"Sorry, Ma," I respond as I return to my breakfast.

My workplace was a local electronics store that sold pretty much anything. If you couldn't get it in the store, we could order it for you. If we had a motto, it would be 'We're ten times better than Best Buy and we deliver too!'

A bit egotistical, but it is entirely true. We offer name brands for less and we make house calls for pretty much anything. From alarm clocks to fifty-one inch flat screen televisions.

I started a year ago shortly after graduating and found that I was pretty decent at this job. However, I also found that my eyesight was a lot worse than I had ever thought. My mom forced me to get glasses and I tried to wear them as little as often, but it was slightly more difficult to read when looking at a computer screen all day, so they stayed on at work, but that was it.

"Ackerman!" I hear as I clock in and see Pixis striding over to me, "Mrs. Brown called in today. She needs someone to fix her computer."

"Again?" I groan, "I swear she is doing this on purpose. Why can't Isabel or Farlan do it?"

"She asked for you," Isabel says as he peeks his head around the corner, "She wants the D."

"Shut the fuck up, Izzy," I spit and I can hear Farlan laughing somewhere.

"The sooner you do it, the sooner you get back," Pixis says, "She is our best customer."

"Just because she keeps breaking shit," Farlan calls, "Be nice to her, Levi, I think she's lonely."

"You think?" I grumble, getting the keys for the company car, "I'll be back."

Mrs. Brown isn't as terrible as I make her out to be, I suppose, but I am called to her house at least once a week for one reason or another. Her son, Moses, died in Afghanistan and her husband had passed away years ago, so it was just her in the house now. It seems rather lonely, so I don't mind giving her company for a few hours as much as I say I do.

She lives in a house that's entirely too large for her. For a while, she slept on the couch because she couldn't get up the stairs. I was making a house call for her stereo set when I found this information out and I wasted no time in setting up a stair lift for her. Ever since then, I was always requested whenever he electronics 'broke'.

I drive over to her house, which is close to Eren's neighborhood, and park my car in her driveway. I make sure I have all my equipment just in case something is really wrong with her computer before I get out to approach the door and knock on it. After a few minutes, she opens the door.

"Levi, dear!" she says kindly, ushering me in, "I'm so glad you were working today!"

She says it as if it was a relief, but she knows that I work every day except Thursdays and Sundays.

"No problem, Mrs. Brown," I answer, knowing that she is about to say-

"Oh, just call me Maggie," she insists, "How many times do I have to tell you that? Although, it's fortunate that you mother raised you right."

"Of course," I say, knowing that the woman was absolutely right. My mom has always done her best.

"Here, I'll show you the computer," she tells me as she leads me into the house. I take off my shoes, even though she has told me more than once that it was alright to leave them on.

"I'm telling you, it's been giving me grief for a while, but now it's just driving me insane," she says as I approach the computer.

The screen is frozen on a game of solitaire and I wonder if she purposefully gave herself a virus again. I nod, set down my work bag, and put on my glass before I start to inspect the computer, getting to work.

She talks as I work and I listen as she talks about her friends and church. I respond every once and a while and I can tell she appreciates my company.

In the end, it appears that she does have a few viruses, but I manage to get them off without any damage to her hard drive. I waste some time, pretending that there is more wrong with it than there really is just so she can have some extra time to talk.

I finally stand up and inform her that her computer is fixed. She seems a little disappointed at this until I notice that she has some laundry that hasn't been finished. I become excited at the prospect of cleaning and offer to help her out some.

"Oh, I can' have you do that," she waves me off dismissively, "I needed you to fix my computer, not do my housework."

"Really, Ma'am," I insist, "It's no problem. You don't have to pay me at all for this. I love cleaning. Consider it my tip."

She purses her lips.

"Your tip would be doing more work for me?" she asks disbelievingly.

"Well," I say, rubbing the back of my head, "It's something I like to do a lot. Cleaning, that is, and I already cleaned my entire house this weekend."

She stares at me before she chuckles.

"Fine," she finally concedes, "But only one load. Your boss doesn't pay you to clean old women's houses."

He doesn't really, but it's better to get paid while doing something that makes me absolutely ecstatic.

As I start her laundry, she chatters to me still.

"How is Eren, dear?" she asks eventually and I freeze for a second before resuming my work.

Everyone knows about Eren Jaeger. He is the only survivor of the brutal murders, so naturally, he is like some sort of local icon. Several crime TV shows have done a spot on him, changing his name to ensure his safety, but that doesn't stop curious people from whispering about him if they see him.

By extension, they know me, the boyfriend, Mikasa, the sister, and Armin, the best friend. We often get questions about Eren, and usually, we ignore them. Except when we know that the asker is genuinely concerned.

"He's...okay," I answer, "He's still recovering. I don't know if he will ever fully recover."

It's weird being honest with an old lady that I barely knew, but she provided a sort of warm and wise environment that I took advantage of.

"Probably not, dear," she says sadly, "But he will get better. Whatever he went through won't ever be forgotten, but it's good that you are there for him. He needs you. Although, this must be really hard for you too."

"A friend of his said it best," I say softly and she waits for me to continue, "We got it easy. We may have lost our best friends and even him for a time, but he lost so much more."

"Maybe," she agrees, "But don't downplay your own hurt. It's okay to be sad about this, Levi."

"Frankly, Ma'am," I say, "I'm just happy he is alive. I don't want to be sad about it because I'm grateful that he his here with us."

She nods.

"That is either very wise, or very stupid," she tells me after a moment, "But only time will tell."


	5. 3-Past

Somehow, our study group got moved from the library at school to random people's houses. We had a sort of schedule for who had us over.

We met every Tuesday and Thursday and most of the time, we didn't get any work done. We sat and ate and talked about random shit like who was getting laid and who wasn't. Apparently, Eren and Erwin had gone at it quite a few times before calling it quits only to start once more. They were friends with benefits apparently, which was good because I didn't have to hear Erwin complaining about the lack of hot gays in the area anymore.

I finally asked Petra out just before we went on winter break and she said yes, much to Auruo's discontent. He wasn't as much of a dick about it as I thought he would be, though.

Winter break passed with little to know excitement and we started up our new term and started our regular study group session again.

It was one of the times we were over at Eren's place that I started to feel something shift but I wasn't exactly sure what it was at the time.

We were sitting around the kitchen table with our French books out but not doing any work. I had my arm around Petra as per usual while Erwin was eating a whole jar of peanut butter. For some reason, that fucker really loved peanut butter. He had told me once that if peanut butter was a woman, who would feel no regrets by marrying her.

Fucking Erwin.

"Hey, so you and Eren haven't been hanging off each other like these two lately," Gunter said at one point and both Erwin and Eren looked over at him.

Eren shrugged, not really seeming that all upset but it was Erwin's reaction that made me raise an eyebrow. He had the tiniest trace of a blush on his face.

"Erwin?" I questioned and he put a spoonful of peanut butter into his mouth. Gross.

Eren grinned and leaned forward.

"Erwin met somebody over break so we stopped fucking," he said conspiratorially and I swear I almost saw Erwin shoot peanut butter through his nose.

"Wait, WHAT!" Hanji shrieked, "You didn't even tell us? You're closest friends in the world?!"

"Yeah, what the fuck, Erwin," I said sarcastically, "How dare you not tell us every detail of your personal life."

"Oh, come on," Erd pressed, "If this person is important enough for you to stop...whatever you had going on with Eren, A.K.A. the cutie with the booty, than it's bigger than just a tiny detail."

Erd had a point.

"And," Petra added, "You told Eren and not us!"

"You call me the cutie with the booty?" Eren asked in a wondrous tone, "Fucking awesome."

"To be fair," Erwin said after swallowing the peanut butter, "The only reason I said anything to Eren was because I wanted to let him know I didn't want to have intercourse anymore."

"Can you __not__ talk like a fifty year old evangelist?" I asked, "You can say 'fuck'."

Eren laughed.

"You should hear his mouth when he's-"

"His name is Mike!" Erwin cut Eren off and we all raised our eyebrows.

"Where did you meet this 'Mike'," Hanji asked, eyebrows waggling.

Erwin sighed but started to speak anyway.

"Well, you know how we went up to Stohess to see our relatives for New Years' right?"

We all nodded and he continued.

"Well, my dad decided that we should check out the college there so we did and I met Mike there and we went out for coffee a few times and then dinner and that's pretty much it. We text a lot now."

"You forgot the part where he is a law major and you __really__ bonded over that and you text me at four in the morning saying that you really wanna bang this dude but you aren't 'sure where we stand' or whatever. As if you needed my permission," Eren laughs but I start to notice his ears are turning pink. I'm not sure if anybody else has detected it yet, but I had started to notice that Eren's ears turned red when he was lying.

The whole thing was bothering him a lot more than he let on.

"I was being polite," Erwin protested but smiled.

"Whatever, man," Eren said, "Go and fuck Mr. College-Man-Who-Likes-to-Sniff-People."

"It's more than fucking," Erwin corrected, "I really like this guy."

Eren's smile faltered for a second, and this time, Petra caught it. From what I could tell, she was the only other one who did.

"Well, I'm happy for you," she said sweetly, "And he's in Law? That's what you want to do, right?"

After that, we all started discussing what we planned on doing after high school. Petra wanted to be a nurse, Auruo wanted to go into welding, Hanji wanted to be a biochemist, Gunter, Erd, and I had no idea what we wanted to do.

"What about you, Eren?" Petra asked eventually.

"Oh, um, I want to be a Linguistics major, but I'm not sure what I want to do with it yet," Eren answered honestly, "That's why I'm taking AP French. Next year I'm going to work on Russian, even though the school doesn't provide it."

This information surprised me, as it did everyone else.

"Eren...how many languages do you know?" Hanji asked hesitantly.

Eren thought for a second before answering, "Five so far if I include French. I know English, obviously, Spanish, German, Italian, Korean, and I'm working on French. Oh, and I can understand some Japanese, so I guess that's five and a half."

We were all shocked. I had pegged Eren for an overly angry idiot that played sports, which he was, but the kid was fucking brilliant as well. How many fourteen year-olds in America knew five, almost six, languages?

Erd whistled.

"Damn, Eren," he said, sounding just as impressed as I felt, "Why didn't you tell us you were smart?"

"Because...I'm not?" Eren sounded confused.

"Bright Eyes, you can speak almost six languages and you don't think you're smart?" I asked, "I don't know about you, but that's more than most people care to learn in their entire lives. Don't say that you aren't smart, kid."

"But I'm not," Eren argued, "There is a difference between being smart and being really dedicated. I don't pick this stuff up easily and it's hard to learn. I just work at it almost constantly. Armin could learn six languages while figuring out the cure for cancer in his sleep if he wanted to because __he's__ the smart one. I'm just really, really determined. That's all."

The kid really didn't believe he was smart and for some reason, that bothered me.

Before anybody else could say anything, the front door opened and there were two voices coming from the hallway before Eren's sister and my sort of cousin, Mikasa, appeared, pulling another boy with sandy hair behind her.

"I thought you guys were going to be at Gunter's today," she said flatly.

"We were, but then we decided to come here," Eren answered her, "Gunter was out of peanut butter and Erwin said he needed some to study. What's horseface doing here?"

"Shut the fuck up, Jaeger!" the boy spat at Eren and now that I looked at him, he kind of did have horse looking face.

"Jean and I are going upstairs to make out," she answered before her tone hardened, "Do __not__ interrupt."

With that, she left, still dragging the Jean kid, who looked like he had just won the lottery, behind her.

Eren looked torn between disgusted and dazed.

"She didn't just...say what I think she did, right?" he asked in a vacant tone.

"I think your sister is going to get laid with us down here," Gunter teased.

"No."

"Hot, sweaty, equine sex," Hanji cackled.

"No!"

"Imagine the horse children they will have," I added and Petra elbowed me in the ribs. Fuck, that hurt.

"NO!"

Eren stood quickly, wild eyed and looking angry.

"You better go," I said, "Quickly before he sullies your sister with his horse cock! Those things can kill people."

Eren didn't need told twice. He rushed out of the kitchen and we could hear him running up the stairs before most of us started laughing.

"You know," Hanji said thoughtfully, "Mikasa might actually kill him if he interrupts them."

"I doubt it," Erwin said, shoving some more fucking peanut butter in his mouth, "Maim, maybe, but not kill."

"You should go stop him, Levi," Petra told me.

"What? Why the fuck do I have to?" I asked, a bit peeved.

"Because out of the group, he's closest to you," Hanji supplied.

"What about his former squeeze over there," I said, pointing to Erwin.

"No," Erwin shook his head, "Eren has been kind of avoiding me since I got with Mike."

Oh, so the blond oaf __had__ noticed.

"Levi," Petra said a bit impatiently and I groaned and stood up.

As I left the kitchen, I could hear them all chanting that I was whipped. Fuck, they were right.

I went up the stairs, expecting a bloodbath, but all I saw was Eren sitting on the couch, staring out the giant window they had upstairs in the second living room.

I went over and sat beside him.

"That bad, huh?" I asked him and he laughed.

"Probably, but I didn't go in," he said and his tone seemed kind of...sad.

I sat there patiently, waiting for him to speak. He eventually did open his mouth.

"I came up and all I heard was them just talking and laughing," Eren said, "I've never heard Mikasa laugh that way. I think...I think Jean makes her seriously happy. I mean, I've noticed they've been hanging out more, but I didn't realize..."

I sat back on the couch and looked out the window myself. It was a pretty sweet setup. Both their bedrooms were upstairs along with a special living room all without parents upstairs at all.

"Why do you sound upset instead of happy for your sister then?" I asked bluntly.

"I don't know!" Eren said, exasperated, "I mean, I am happy for her. I really am. But I guess I just wished I knew how she felt. I want someone to treat me the way Jean has always treated her. That bastard has always had a crush on her, and I guess, I just want someone to make me their number one."

"Is this about Erwin?" I asked.

"No!" he answered way to quickly before sighing, "Well, yeah. Kinda. I mean, I guess I knew we were nothing serious, but..."  
"It fucking sucked to know that you weren't important enough to be kept around," I finished for him.

He looked up at me and I could see that I had hit the nail on the head.

"Yeah," he said glumly.

I sighed.

"Listen, Jaeger," I started and when I was sure I had his attention, I continued, "You're fourteen turning fifteen. Odds are, you aren't going to meet your soulmate in high school. That's just fucking ridiculous to think. Jean not be Mikasa's number one or he might be, who knows. Petra and I might not even last-"

"You won't?" he asked, full of concern.

"I said __might__, you dumbass," I rolled my eyes, "We are way to fucking young to be worried about finding the person to make us their number one. And that's all bullshit anyway, because the only person that matters and that can make you number one is you, Jaeger. Yeah, it would be nice to find that person who is going to stick with you and love the shit out of you, but when it comes down to it, finding the one person is more than just feeling those stupid fluttery feelings. You got to find someone who is going to love you, not be __in__ love with you. You could find your 'Mr. College-Man-Who-Likes-to-Sniff-People' in a week or in ten years, but I can guarantee you, that when you do find him, you will realize that there are more important things than being someone's number one. And what the fuck was with the sniffing part?"

Eren laughed.

"Mike has a sniffing kink," he answered, looking relatively cheered up, which was good, because I was pretty sure I had been talking in circles, but as long as it had made sense to him, that was all that mattered.

"Erwin is into some weird shit," I said.

"You have no idea," Eren answered me and I actually managed to look disgusted and Eren laughed again and I think that's when I felt the shift. Something changed in that moment and I couldn't figure out what it was.

I shook off whatever feeling it was for the time being and I spoke again.

"Let's not ever talk about my best friend's sex life ever again, alright?"


	6. 3-Present

Eren sleeps a lot. Mikasa and Armin sleep too little. Carla and Grisha don't sleep at all.

I feel like I am the only one who is able to sleep normally. Then again, when Eren first disappeared, Mikasa slept the most, largely to forget the pain of losing her brother.

Mikasa and Armin are still in their final month of school before they graduate. On weekdays, either Grisha or Carla are home with Eren, not wanting to leave him alone during the day.

Grisha is a very successful doctor in the community, which has something to do with why Eren was local gossip.

Carla is a preschool teacher. Eren told me once that she had wanted more children, but she had a miscarriage before Eren and Eren himself was a very hard pregnancy. So, for her own safety, they decided not to have any more children.

From the multiple pieces of paper with children's shitty drawings on her fridge, it is easy to see that her students love her.

On Thursdays, like today, both Grisha and Carla worked. That was the reason I requested Thursdays off. Nobody wanted Eren to be alone.

I have a house key, but I still feel awkward about having it. As welcome as the Jaeger's have made me feel, there is just something weird about having another person's house key. Especially when you use it and most everyone is gone for the day.

Eren normally sleeps until noon or one, so I'm usually alone watching TV. At first, I felt weird about raiding their fridge when I was hungry, but after three weeks, I've gotten used to it.

I watch a marathon of Men in Black after checking on Eren, making sure he was alright. His long hair is strewn about his face and I can tell he had a rough night sleeping by the way his blankets are thrown all over. He is sleeping curled up and I brush the hair out of his face and I adjust his headphones so they stay on. I cover him up before I leave the room, looking back one last time.

He doesn't stumble out of his bedroom until twelve-thirty and heads straight to the bathroom. I'm sure he hasn't even noticed me yet. He isn't the most aware person in the morning, so I just smirk and wait.

He comes out a couple minutes later and sits on the couch.

"__Morning__, __Levi,__" he says.

My eye twitches at his sign for my name. He usually makes up signs for people that are close to him with the first letter of their name. Mikasa's is 'strong'. Mine happens to be short, only done with his finger in an 'L' shape.

"Well, good afternoon," I reply and he wipes a hand across his face, trying to get the sleep out of his eyes.

He has earbuds in now, so I know he can hear me when I talk, but I still choose to sign. I can hear a faint beat coming from his earbuds.

"Lunch?" I ask and he hesitates before nodding.

"Good, I'm really craving tomato soup and grilled cheese," I say standing and Eren looks at me strangely.

"What?" I ask.

"__You just said you wanted grilled trains__," he responds. He spells out the word 'train' so I don't get confused.

I blink and then wrack my brain for what cheese is in sign language.

"Fuck," I say and hes chest starts trembling and I hear a stuttering nose coming from his nose and I realize he is laughing at me.

"Shut up and just tell me how you say grilled...you know," I grumble and his smile becomes wider and I decide to forgive him for laughing at me. I can count on one hand how many times I've seen him genuinely smile since he was found.

He shows me the sign for cheese, and after I repeat it a few times, we decided to eat said meal.

It doesn't take me long to prepare the soup and Eren helps. He makes grilled cheese much better than I do, so we work in silence. Well, I do.

We sit down and start to eat before I remember something.

"Eren, did you take your meds yet?" I ask and I know the dramatic eye roll is coming.

He sighs heavily and sure enough, rolls his eyes as he gets up and goes to get them.

He takes quite a few of them. I don't remember all of them but most are for his depression, anxiety, and PTSD. He takes some at night to help him sleep too.

When he was first prescribed the medication, he expressed frustration at having to take it. He felt, and I know he still feels this way, that he was no longer normal. He wouldn't ever be himself again and he needed prescriptions to help him not be completely down. He hates the fact that there is something wrong with him that can only be 'fixed' by drugs.

I don't fully understand it, but I do at the same time. He is still Eren, no matter what happens, but at the same time, things happen to your brain that needs correcting. His father had told him several times that it was no different than someone with high cholesterol who needs to take medicine. I don't think Eren believes him.

He comes back to the table and sits down, making a show of swallowing the pills before he angrily attacks his meal.

I don't say anything until he huffs and looks up at me.

"__You know, you guys don't all need to babysit me. I think I would be able to last a day on my own__," he says, eyes challenging me.

"We aren't babysitting you," I say calmly, continuing to eat my meal.

"__Bullshit."__

I stop eating and look at him. He's angry. I can see it in his eyes but when he feels intense emotion, he tends to mouth the words, even though barely a sound comes out.

"__It's like you guys don't trust me or something. Maybe I want to be alone and not be coddled,__" he continues.

I wait for more, but he is finished. I know that if there is one thing in the world that Eren hates, it's being coddled and treated like a toddler. I wasn't been aware that Eren had felt that way, although, now it seems obvious.

However, I decide to speak my thoughts of why I'm here as often as I can be.

"Eren, I'm not coddling you," I say, "I don't think anybody else is for that matter either. But...we want to be with you and we don't want you to feel like you are alone. We missed you Eren and we know how precious time with you is after nearly losing you."

He thinks this over, his anger fading and he looks down.

"__I'm...sorry for making you feel that way,__" he says after a while.

"Fuck, Eren, you aren't making me feel that way. Nobody is," I respond, exasperated, "I wanted to spend time with you a lot before and that's not going to change. Mikasa, Armin, your mom and dad...they have all been trying really hard not to wrap you in bubble wrap or try to smother you, even if that's what they want to do. But it's natural to want to be around and protect the ones we love, and that doesn't change no matter what happens. Nothing could have happened and we would still be wanting to hang around you all the time."

Eren is looking at me with a measured look on his face. I can tell he processing my words. I have never been the best with words, but he has always understood what I was trying to say.

He returns to his meal and we both finish up. Just as I stand, I see him looking at me. I am about to ask what he is thinking about when he decides to ask me something.

"__Levi...do you still love me? Like you used to?__" he is hesitant to ask and the question catches me off guard.

I look at him and I can see fear in his eyes and preparation for rejection.

"Eren Jaeger," I say with conviction, "I still love you wholly and completely. My feelings for you haven't changed."

He watches me and I can see a faint blush cross his face. The same blush that came when I first told him I loved him.

"Do...you still love me?" I ask, nervousness wrapping around me like a thick blanket.

He rubs his face and sighs.

"__I...don't know, Levi. I know I love you, but after everything that has happened, I don't know if I can. I just don't know how to go back to the way everything was before...__" he stops, starting to breath heavier. I know this is how he gets whenever he thinks about what happened so I step in.

"I understand, Bright Eyes," I say, sitting down, "I really do. And...don't feel obligated to feel like you did before. If you never do, I'm still going to be around, alright? I never expected you to want to jump back into a relationship with me. But Eren, even if you never love me that way again, I will still be by your side. You are too important to me."

He looks somewhat relieved at my words and he takes my hand and squeezes it. It's a bit painful to think that he might never love me that way again, but he is alive and healthy, and that is reason enough to stay for me.

We stay that way for a while, not saying anything. At one time, I would have found this stupid and awkward, but now I find it comforting.

He stands eventually, and starts to clear the table with my help and I look forward to washing the dishes. He sees my eager look and rolls his eyes and I know he would be saying 'You are so fucking weird' if he could speak.

I respond with a look that says 'Like you are one to talk' and he grins.

I now have to use two hands to count how many times Eren has smiled.


	7. 4-Past

School eventually ended, effectively ending study group. But we still hung out and we became more acquainted with Eren's friends.

I already knew Jean, a hot headed boy that resembled Eren in personality more than either of them would ever admit, and Mikasa, Eren's 'overprotective' sister.

Armin, an underdeveloped boy with blond hair but had wicked smarts. The kid got along great with Erwin and Hanji and the three of them would usually talk for hours about one subject or another.

Marco, Jean's best friend that was way too nice and freckled. Apparently, Jean and him had dated before they realized that they were better off friends.

Then there was Connie and Sasha. Apparently, the two of them __weren't__ together, but they never did anything without each other. They seemed really close and usually roped Eren and Jean into stupid pranks that ended up with the latter two getting in trouble.

Annie, a bored looking girl who never said much except to Armin, who just looked thrilled that the girl was talking to him every time she spoke.

Bertholdt, a tall and nervous boy, and Reiner, whose muscle mass was way more than Erwin's, __were__ together and we didn't see as much of them as they were always on dates. Apparently, Annie was close friends with them, but I never really saw her speak to them all that much.

Then there was Ymir and her girlfriend, Krista Lenz, whose real name was Historia Reiss, but her and her mother wanted nothing to do with the principal. Nobody ever asked Krista about it and she never volunteered any information. The only one who was allowed to call her Historia was Ymir, who was obviously deeply in love with the small, blonde girl.

They were all interesting people and there was never a dull moment, especially with my dumbass friends added into the mix.

At the end of June, Petra went on vacation with her family, leaving me with a handful of extra time. Not having a job, I mostly hung out with Erwin and Hanji.

It was a particularly hot day for June, and Hanji was over watching TV with me with as much skin exposed as she could get away with. I didn't blame her, it was fucking hot as balls. We had the air conditioning on __and__ a fan and it was still hot. Hanji was practically melting into the couch.

I felt my phone buzz and lazily retrieved it to see who had texted me.

**Jaeger **: get over heeeerre and have fun with us

I looked at my phone and wondered if it was worth getting up or not when I got another text.

**Jaeger **: u can clean my room if you come

And damn it, it was hot as balls, but I wasn't going to pass up the opportunity to clean Eren's train wreck of a room.

I stood.

"Come on, Hanji," I said and she groans loudly.

"Can't you just let me finish my gelatinization process?" she asked, not moving.

"You can finish that at Eren's house," I told her and she sighed, "And I'm not even sure that is a word."

"Why?"

She sounded like I had just killed her pet cat and I rolled my eyes. Leave it to Hanji to not want to do anything when I was finally ready to do something. Usually, it was the other way around.

"He wanted us to come and said I could clean his room if I did," I responded and she groans once more.

"I don't see why you are making me come," she shrugged, "You are just going to make me clean with you."

I sighed.

"Fine. Stay here, alone, and __I__ will go to Eren's," I said, turning around to go get my shoes.  
"Wait, Levi, no! I'm coming! Don't leave without me!"

I rolled my eyes and heard her getting up and following after me.

Hanji already had a car, much to my disgruntlement, so we used hers as she turned up the AC for all it was worth and she blasted Journey songs the entire way there.

Eren had texted me to let me know the door was open and they were all upstairs in his room.

As I started to climb the stairs, I could smell something weird, but faint.

"Do you smell that?" Hanji asks seconds later and I nod.

By the time we are upstairs, the smell was even more potent and I knew it was coming from Eren's room.

"Holy shit," Hanji hisses, "They're smoking pot!"

I raised my eyebrows and knew she was right. Without any warning, I marched over to Eren's room and threw the door open. Sure enough, Hanji hit the nail on the head.

Eren was in the process of passing a joint to Jean while Connie and Sasha were hanging off Eren's bed, laughing their asses off about something. I felt like I was going to get high just by standing there.

"Levi! You came!" Eren exclaimed, grinning ear to ear, "And you brought Hanji! Great, the more the merrier."

"What the fuck are you guys doing?" I asked, "And why did you think it was necessary to invite me?"

"Because we want to see you high," Connie answered, "Jean was all like 'I bet Levi high would be fucking funny' and then Eren was like 'I can get him over here to see' and then Jean was like 'I'd like to see you try' and now, here you are."

For some reason, Sasha was nearly pissing herself with laughter over the story. Jean looked mildly upset but sucked in a breath on the joint.

I stared at them all before I asked, "Aren't you afraid your parents are going to smell this shit?"

"My parents are on vacation for their anniversaryyyy," Eren sang.

"Your parents are fucking on vacation for their anniversary," Sasha giggled and both Connie and Jean cracked up.

Eren made a disgusted noise, complete with the repulsed face and Hanji laughed at him.

"Well," I said, "I'm sure Mikasa will be __thrilled__ to know what her brother and boyfriend do on their down time."

Jean and Eren's eyes got wide while Sasha and Connie let out a chorus of 'Oooooohhhh's.

"No, fuck, Levi," Jean said, starting to panic and I internally smirked, "You can't tell Mikasa. Please, I'll do anything. I'll-I'll suck your dick!"

"Me too!" Eren offered, just as desperately, "Sasha will too. I would say Connie would, but I don't think he knows how to handle dicks."

"Fuck you, Eren," Connie grumbled.

"I'm not sucking Levi's dick!" Sasha shrieked, "And I don't have to. I don't care if Mikasa knows."

"Nobody is sucking my dick," I sighed.

"Sounds like you and Petra have a lot to work on," Hanji said and I shot her a glare as the other four howled with laughter.

I ignored them.

"How are you going to get rid of the smell before Mikasa gets home?"

"Candles," Eren said through his laughter, pointing to his dresser where five were sitting on top.

"Oh yeah, I'm sure Mikasa won't notice anything strange when she comes home and her teenage brother has a Hawaiian Breeze candle burning. Maybe I won't need to tell her at all."

"Oh!" Jean said as he started to recover, "If you tell Mikasa, we'll tell Petra that you were right beside us smoking too. And Hanji will back us up."

"No, she won't," I argued.

"Yeah, I will," Hanji told me and I gave her a betrayed look. She shrugged.

"I want to try it," she grinned, "For science."

I stared at her for a long moment before I groaned. I really had nothing to lose, and if I kept my mouth shut, so did they.

I walked over and sat beside Eren on the floor.

"Fuck you guys," I said reaching my hand towards Jean, "Give it to me. Let me try."

Eren talked me through inhaling and holding it before I passed it to Hanji and she did the same thing. I didn't feel anything at first, so I started to think that maybe weed was just one of those things that everyone liked to pretend was working so people thought they were cool. That was until I started feeling super relaxed.

"Look, I told you Levi would smile!" Connie said and they all gathered around me like I was some fucking zoo animal.

"I've smiled before," I said, half heartedly trying to hide my smile, "Can't remember when, but I've smiled before."

They all thought that was the funniest thing in the world and I decided that I should become a stand up comedian.

The joint was passed around until it was gone and we all sat, lazily saying things.

"Eren," Hanji said at one point and when the he didn't respond, she scooted closer to him and repeated his name.

"What?" he said with a dazed look on his face.

"You have a giant zit that I want to pop," she said, giving him a hard look and I turned to see that she was right.

"You can't," he said, scooting away from her.

"I can," she said with a manic look on her face, "Let me pop it Eren!"

"That's fucking disgusting," I said.

"No! It's cool to see it pop!" Hanji said, pouncing on Eren.

"Get off! You can't get rid of Paul!"

"You named your zit Paul?" Connie asked, seeming impressed.

"Why not Zachary?" Jean asked, "It looks like a Zach. Zach the zit."

"I already named my massive zit in eighth grade Zach!" Eren yelled, trying to get Hanji off of him to no avail.

"Boys are gross," Sasha said, watching the scuffle.

"Agreed," I said, turning my nose up at what Hanji was trying to do to Eren.

She eventually one, getting to pop the zit and after I made her wash her hands, she returned to the group, giggling as Eren mourned the loss of his 'zit friend'.

Eren eventually started talking about Marco and asked Jean if it was cool he went out with him.

"Fuck, Eren, why are you asking my permission?" Jean said, laying down and linking his fingers behind his head, "If Marco wants to go out with you than do whatever you want."

"But he's your best friend and you dated once. Isn't there some sort of bro code...?"

I watched Eren as he talked, seeing genuine concern in his eyes. While he and Jean didn't always get along, they actually cared about each other, and that in itself was cool.

However, something didn't sit well with me about Eren going out with Marco. The guy was nice enough, but Eren shouldn't be with him.

It kind of freaked me out how invested I was in this particular subject when really, I had no right to be. But it was just that Eren and Marco...it gave me a churning feeling in my stomach and I hated it. I didn't want Eren and Marco to go out and if they did, they would undoubtedly fuck, and that made me a little more upset than I cared to admit.

Then, in my fuzzy and high mind, something clicked.

I was jealous. Not of what Eren had, but that someone else was going to get the chance to be with him.

I fucking liked Eren Jaeger.

In the state I was in, I laughed, but it wasn't the best of times to have a sexual awakening or whatever.

I wasn't gay. I could just recognize that Eren was aesthetically pleasing.

I watched him talk and I realized that it wasn't just his face I liked. He was determined and sometimes a little too angry, straightforward and brash. He cared genuinely and never hid his emotions.

I knew I wasn't gay, but I sure as hell was attracted to Eren.

"Levi?"

I jolted and looked at Hanji, who was the one who had said my name.

"What?"

"You've been staring at Eren for a while" Connie said lazily, "It's freaking us out."

"I was just listening to him talk about going out with Marco and the bro code or something," I replied and Eren laughed.

"Levi, that was, like, ten minutes ago," he told me, "We moved onto Jean's weird toenail and then Sasha said she was hungry so we were trying to figure out what to eat."

Well, that was embarrassing.

"Spaghetti," I said, trying to move past my own awkwardness.

"When I was a kid, I used to think angel hair pasta was actually angel hair and I never wanted to eat it because I thought they captured angels and cut off their hair before they did experiments on them," Hanji said and we all stared at her.

"I used to think that fireworks were criminals put inside rockets and depending on their crime, that's what color they would explode," Eren provided and I couldn't hold it in anymore. I laughed. A real, laugh.

Everyone else followed suit, but I could see Hanji looking at me, expression calculating. Leave it to her to figure things out when she was high.

"You both were fucked up kids, holy shit," Jean laughed and I couldn't have agreed more.

It took us about five more minutes to calm down after that. Sasha whined that she was hungry and we decided that maybe we should order some pizza.

We were in the middle of discussing what kind when we heard Mikasa's voice.

"Eren? What's that smell?"

And by the look on Eren and Jean's face, I knew that I should probably start writing my eulogy for the both of them.


	8. 4-Present

Eren actually seems excited for his friends' graduation. I count that as a good thing.

Mikasa is dressed nicely, even thought it probably doesn't matter since she will have a gown over top of her clothing when she gets to the school.

When we do arrive at the school, everyone is taking pictures and parents are crying. Carla and Jean's mom get several pictures of Mikasa and Jean together before graduation, promising more afterwards.

I wasn't sure how Eren would handle seeing his friends graduate without him, even though it wasn't his fault, but he seems to be handling it well.

"Eren!" someone shouts and we turn to see Armin running up to us.

Armin has definitely grown since freshman year when I first met him. Puberty hit late for him, but now most girls are swooning for him. He is actually a bit taller than Eren now, if only by an inch. He kept his long hair, but instead, he elects to tie it back.

"__Hey, Armin,__" Eren says.

Eren's sign for Armin starts off as the sign for brilliant, but instead of ending with an open hand, he closes it into an 'A'. Funny how I get a sign that mentions how short I am, but Armin gets 'smart' and Mikasa gets 'strong'. At least it isn't as bad as Jean's, which is like the sign for horse, but with a letter 'K' for his last name.

"Hey," Armin replies, "It's good to see you here."

Armin smiles genuinely at the both of us.

"__Of course,__" Eren tells his best friend, "__I wouldn't want to miss it. And congrats on being Valedictorian. I knew you would be.__"

Armin grins.

"Thanks," he says bashfully and opens his mouth to say something else, but Carla reminds us that its time to go inside

I can tell that Eren resents not being able to graduate with his friends, but he doesn't say anything. I can see the wistfulness in his eyes as his friends go sit with their graduating class, Mikasa and Armin giving him one last look before they walk away

The thought that a whole year was taken from him by a sick bastard who never even got to face a punishment makes me boil with rage. Eren should be laughing and taking pictures and getting his diploma today.

I'm given a program and I squint at it, not able to make out some of the words.

I feel someone tapping on my shoulder and see Eren rolling his eyes and hands me a pair of glasses towards me. Fucking know-it-all.

"__You left these at my house the other day__," he tells me, "__You should wear them or your eyesight is only going to get worse.__"

"Ugh," I say but begrudgingly put them on, "You sound like my mother. I don't like wearing them. They are fucking tedious and get dirty easily."

"__Maybe, but you look really hot in them__," he replies and I look at him. I can admittedly see clearer, but I glare, knowing that he only said that so I would wear them. I look like a fucking idiot in glasses, especially I only bought the cheapest pair, a set of wide rimmed glasses, because I didn't plan on wearing them that much.

"Bullshit," I say and he only shakes his head in obvious disagreement.

The ceremony starts and its an hour of boring formalities that nobody really gives a shit about. Eren gets fidgety and I can hear his music get slight louder. He shoots me a glare when I take off my glasses, but I ignore him.

Finally, it's time for the Valedictorian speech and I can tell Eren has been waiting for this. He sits on the edge of his seat like he is watching a football game or something, but it's endearing to see his support for his best friend.

Armin walks to the podium and nervously puts the papers with his speech on it.

"T.S. Eliot once said, 'What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.'," he starts, and I know that Armin put a lot of thought into this speech, but I also know that I can see most of the graduates losing interest, "This is a truth that I-"

He looks over the crowd, and for a moment, I think he chokes, but then he sighs and looks down at his speech.

For a long moment, he says nothing and people start to worry that something is wrong. It's a bit uncomfortable and I look over to see Eren watching his best friend with an indecipherable expression.

Armin looks up with a surprising look of determination on his face and he reaches forward and takes the mike from its stand on the podium before walking away from the podium a bit. The staff on stage look a bit confused but don't move; after all, Armin has always been a rule follower and this isn't exactly breaking rules, but it is a bit untraditional.

"I was going to read a boring speech that I worked months on, but I realized that it isn't at all what I wanted to say," he says with a clear voice, "It was the typical bullshit about following your dreams and making them happen kind of thing."  
Eren makes a strange noise with his nose, surprised that his best friend actually swore.

"But, I really want to talk about life in general," Armin says a bit quietly. He breathes for a second before he starts again, "There was a point where I thought that life was hopeless and it set us up for failure. I knew that life had its high points, but the low points seemed so much longer and more painful. I reached a low point where all I could think of was how the world seemed inclined to make things as difficult as possible for us. The world doesn't care who you are, it will screw you over anyway. The world was messy. The world was unfair. The world was cruel.

"I reached that low point about a year ago. I know a lot of people here did too."

Eren inhales a breath and I look to make sure he is alright. His hands are shaking and he adjusts his headphones, but his eyes don't leave Armin.

"I told my friend, Mikasa, that I thought the world was cruel. I expected her to agree with me, but I didn't expect what she said after that.

"She told me, 'The world __is__ cruel, but it's also very beautiful'.

"For her to say that to me, when the world has dealt her more of shit hand than me, frankly blew me away. So, I thought about what she said a lot. About how the world can be so beautiful when it seems like things are going to hell everyday. I pride myself on being able to figure things out, but I just couldn't figure out how she could think that when...when we all lost a lot of important people to us.

"But then I realized that humans are inherently strong. We keep pushing through, no matter how painful it is. We keep fighting.

"My best friend, Eren, once told me, 'You can't win if you don't fight'. Granted, we were nine and playing a game of cops and robbers, but the phrase always stuck in my mind."

There is some laughter at the last statement and I'm glad Armin is making this a little dark with some humor, but still heartfelt.

"You have to fight for the kind of life you want it to be," Armin continues, "You can't expect to get anything from the world; you can't expect to win against the world if you don't fight for what you want.

"I think all of my fellow school mates will agree that high school was hard. But, I would like to say that life is so much harder. You can't get anything without giving up something first. Changes take you by surprise, and not always for the better. The world will break you. And not just once, but over and over again.

"But I will say something that not many people think of.

"There is life after tragedy.

"When you are broken, you are left to pick up the pieces of the person you once were and make yourself again, only the next time, you use stronger glue. You become stronger to face what shit the world wants to throw at you. But just because you are broken once, doesn't mean you won't be broken again.

"I once read a quote by Josephine Hart that said, 'Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive'. Because, in the end, that's what we are. Survivors who keep surviving, and I think that is the best thing to be. Someone who cannot survive in this world will not last long.

"When I look at this graduating class, I see people who have been through hell and personally affected by the events of the past year. I see people who have become lost and broken. I see people who want to give up because they see no point in trying to figure out what they want to do with their life.

"But I also see people who have rebuilt themselves to be stronger than they already were. I see the faces of my friends with hope in their eyes even though they have lost so much. I see people looking towards a future. I see survivors.

"All of us will make lives for ourselves. Some of us will go to college, some of us will travel, some of us will figure out what kind of life we want to have. All of us will face different kinds of trials as we live and breathe and fight. Because we are human and our natural instinct is to keep surviving, so we do.

"And now I realize that's why Mikasa told me the world was beautiful. Because people band together to share strength. Because we do have a future worth fighting for and a past that makes it worth it. Because, sometimes, just sometimes, the world decides to give us a miracle."

Armin looked at Eren then and I could tell that Armin's miracle was Eren coming back to us. Hell, that is my miracle too. If that's the only miracle that ever happens in my life, I will die happy.

"So, class of two thousand fourteen," Armin says, "If there is anything you take from your time here, it's to remember of the person you once were and to remember that you had to give something up to become the person you are today. Make that sacrifice worth it."

Armin is done. He crosses back to the podium and puts the mike back in its stand and gathers up the papers he didn't use.

Everyone is silent, digesting Armin's words before I hear Eren stand. I look over and see him start to clap. I am surprised. Eren hasn't been one to want to draw too much attention to himself since he was hospitalized, but here he is, clapping for Armin with a proud look on his face and slightly teary eyes.

More people stand and start clapping before I finally get my ass in gear and stand as well.

It takes a few minutes for everyone to stop clapping and sit down, but I can see that Armin is surprised at how well received his speech was.

They finally get to the diplomas and they start listing off names.

Mikasa was one of the first ones and I can tell that Eren would be hooting and hollering if he had a voice. Armin is the next one of Eren's friends.

I should have expected some bullshit with Sasha, because she comes flouncing up the stage and takes her diploma from Principal Reiss before she reaches in her gown before she throws glitter over the both of them.

Marco and Mina are named and there is a minute of silence for each of them before the next student comes to get their diploma.

Jean collects his diploma and smiles, but I can tell that he is a bit teary eyed. Whether for Armin's speech, or from graduating without his best friend, I figure I will never know.

Krista shakes her father's hand when she gets her diploma, but doesn't look happy about it. I have no idea what the fuck happened between the two of them, but the only one who seems to know is Ymir, who bypasses the principal entirely.

Connie actually hugs the principal before kissing the man on either cheek and pinching his nose before he walked off the stage casually, completely forgetting his diploma.

A few other names are called, like Thomas and Franz, who didn't get the chance to get their diplomas, but before I knew it, graduation is over.

Eren's group of friends find us immediately and all start hugging Eren. They had visited him loads of times in the hospital, but this is the first time they have seen him in casual clothing and a more everyday place.

"Leeeeviiiiii!" I hear and I turn, knowing the voice.

With the force of a herd of elephants, Hanji slams into me.

"What the fuck, four-eyes," I say, but I'm not as upset as my tone implies.

"I'm back for the summer!" she says excitedly, letting me go, "And I just had to see my favorite underclassmen become alumni! Oh, and Erwin is here somewhere with Mike. And you can't call me four-eyes when you have glasses now too."

I tear my glasses off my face and Hanji laughs.

"Why the hell didn't you guys let me know you were coming?" I ask, a little peeved that I could have known they were in town.

"It was a surprise!" Hanji tells me and I see Erwin walking up with Mike.

"Hey, Levi," Erwin greets and I roll my eyes, but I know that he knows I am happy to see him.

"Well if it isn't the gay blond couple," I say, "Hey, Peanut Butter Dick. Hey, Lassie."

"You smell that, Erwin?" Mike says offhandedly and Erwin looks at him expectantly, "It smells like repressed positive emotions."

Everyone laughs and I shake my head. I look over to see Eren watching the conversation with interest.

"Hey!" Connie says loudly, "You all should come to my bonfire at the end of the summer. I've already invited all these losers, but it will be cool to hang out with you guys again. If you see Gunter and the rest, they can come too!"  
Hanji throws an arm around Connie.

"Fucking yes! Party at Avatar Aang's place! I'm in!"

"If there is beer, I'm in," I say and I look over to Eren to see if he even wants to go.

After a moment of deliberation, he nods and everyone lets out a sigh of relief.

"We shouldn't get too carried away..." Mikasa says hesitantly.

"We'll be fine, 'kasa," Jean says, kissing her on the temple, "It's the last time we are all going to be able to hang out as a group. It should be tons of fun."

It is then that parents decide they want pictures of everybody. Even I was in some of them, much to my displeasure, but it was nice to take a picture with Eren again.


	9. 5-Past

Petra started to become distant and that continued into the beginning of the school year.

"Are you sure it's not you?" Hanji asked in a maddeningly frustrating tone as if she knew something.

Erwin kept his eyes trained on his homework but I knew he was listening intently.

"I'm sure," I snapped at her, "The last couple times that I've asked if she wants to hang out or go to a movie, she's made up some shit excuse. And when we __have __hung out, she seems...disinterested. Maybe, I'm being boring..."

"Do you guys have sex?" Erwin asked, still working on his homework, but Hanji looked expectantly.

I sighed.

"Yeah, we do," I answered and Hanji grinned.

"And how is that?" Erwin asked.

"Fuck, what is this, twenty questions?" I hissed and Erwin smiled slightly and looked up at me.

"Just answered the question, Levi," he said and I rolled my eyes.

"It's okay..." I said slowly, "I mean, it's sex. Nothing special."  
"Nothing special?" Hanji asked, "That's a terrible thing to say about sex with your girlfriend!"

"I only meant that...well..." I didn't know what I meant.

It wasn't exciting or even passionate. At first I think it was, after we got past the awkwardness of it all. We sort of did it because that's what normal kids did. Date, kiss, have sex.

"Levi, do you love Petra?" Erwin asked, his eyes calculating.

"Well, yeah," I answered, "But what does this have to do with her being distant. Do I not show enough or something?"

"I don't think that's it," Hanji said, "I think I know what Erwin is getting at, though. Tell us this, when you picture someone to grow old with, have a family, come home to after a long day of work...do you think of Petra?"

And for whatever fucking reason, fucking Eren popped into my head. Shit. I thought that little moment of whatever it was when we were high was just a fluke, but no, here I was thinking of Jaeger when I would swear on my mother's grave I was straight.

"No," I answered honestly but I didn't embellish on who I did think of, "So...you guys are telling me that she is becoming distant because she can tell that I'm not in love with her?"

"You're half right," Erwin said, "I think she is becoming distant because she's realized that she's not in love with you."

There was a pregnant pause as I digested his words.

"Wait, what?" I said eventually, "That's ridiculous. She told me when we started dating that she had a crush on me for...forever. And I really like her, so..."

Hanji and Erwin glanced at each other as if they were agreeing upon something before they both started working on their homework again.

"What?" I asked and they both shrugged, "No, don't do that. What?"

"Nothing," Erwin told me, "Just...you'll both figure it out."

As vague as Erwin's answer was, it got me thinking.

I subtly tried to gauge Petra's feelings towards me, but there was really no way of telling from my perspective. In fact, things were getting somewhat...awkward between us. I'm not sure what it was, and I couldn't help but think it was my completely unwarranted and unwelcome thoughts about Eren.

So, naturally, I ended up at his house about a week after I talked to Hanji and Erwin when I should have been avoiding the kid.

I found out that Eren had become quite popular, being on both the basketball and baseball team and being a likeable person. That fucker.

Armin was there too, so he and Eren decided to play Pokemon on their 3DS's. Well, Armin on his own. Eren had broken his somehow and was using Mikasa's when she wasn't around. Bored and with a lack of anything better to do, I started to deconstruct Eren's.

"Where the fuck is Mikasa and isn't she going to mind her using her shit?" I said as I focused on the mess of parts in front of me.

"She's out with Annie," Eren answered, "But nah, she'll be fine with it."

"Just like she was last time," Armin mumbled and Eren shot him a glare.

"What about Petra?" Eren asked and my hands halted their work for a second before I continued.

"She was busy," I say curtly, "And before you ask, Erwin went up to see Mike this weekend and fuck knows what Hanji is doing. Probably some fucking experiment on earthworms or something."

"Really?" Armin looks up, intrigued.

"Looks like someone popped a science boner," I remarked and Eren snorted, "No, coconut head. I think her cousin had a Bar Mitzvah this weekend."

"Hanji's Jewish?" Eren asked and I nodded.

"All her life," I told him, "She eats pork and non-kosher food sometimes, but I think that's mostly her form of teenage rebellion. Always feels really shitty after she does though. On Friday nights to Saturday nights, she doesn't do anything because of the Sabbath. Every once and a while, her parents will let her do something though, thank fuck. Staying home every Friday night and all day Saturday...sounds basically what we normally do anyway."

Eren laughed and Armin hummed in agreement.

"Will she continue practicing Judaism when she gets out on her own?" Armin asked obviously interested.

"Oh, probably," I said dismissively, "For someone who loves science as much as she does, she is also a deeply spiritual person. You might have noticed that. Erwin, on the other hand, is not. It's hilarious to see those two go at it. She is insanely smart and firmly believes that knowledge is a gift from God and it's a waste to not try to figure out as much about the universe God has given us."

Armin looked like he disagreed, but he shook his head and thought it over.

"Does that mean she doesn't celebrate Christmas?" Eren asked.

"Nope," I told him, starting to put the Nintendo back together, "Hanukkah. She says it's better because she gets eight days of presents."

"Can she speak Jewish?" Eren asked excitedly.

"Jewish isn't a language, Eren," Armin sighed, "If Hanji could speak something, it would be Hebrew."

"Oh," Eren looked embarrassed, "Well, can she speak Hebrew?"

"Yeah," I answered him and he practically fell off his bed, "I'm sure she could teach you if you wanted to learn."

"Of course I do!" Eren exclaimed and I suddenly remembered his career goals. I rolled my eyes at his fervor but thought it was precious.

Wait, what?  
"What other holidays does she celebrate?" Armin asked, "Does she get school off for them?"

"Fuck, I don't remember all of them. Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Sukkot, Passover. There are more but you would have to ask Hanji about them. I've been to a Passover meal at her house a couple times and it's pretty interesting. I'm sure if you ask, she would be more than willing to explain better than I can."

Armin seemed excited at the prospect of learning something new while Eren just shrugged and continued his game. He was more interested in learning a new language.

I continued to work on the DS as the topic changed to something in their game than to Jean and Mikasa before it landed onto Jean's best friend, Marco.

"So, you actually like Marco?" Armin asked and my head shot up.

"Damn it, Armin!" Eren cursed at something he did in the game or whatever before his brain registered the question, "Um, yeah, I guess. He's cute and really nice. He's a straightforward guy too. He said that he'd love to go to a movie with me and we've been texting for a while n-"

"I think that's a bad idea," I said before I could stop myself, and as they turned to look at me, I refocused on the broken handheld game.

"Why?" Eren asked, genuinely confused and I was asking myself the same question.

"Because," I said, pulling a reason out of my ass, "Dating among friends is messy."

"You had no issue when I was with Erwin," Eren argued.

"Yeah, well, look how great that turned out."

It was like the air had been sucked out of the room and I could feel the boiling rage coming from Eren. I cursed myself for saying that but I didn't apologize like I should have. I kept working, close to being completed and I heard Eren flip Mikasa's DS closed.

I had crossed a line and fuck if it wasn't going to bite me in the ass.

"Fuck you," he spat, "Fuck you, Levi. You are such a damn hypocrite. You are dating Petra, and last time I checked, she was a friend before you started dating."

"That's different," I muttered. Damn, I was just making things worse and worse.

"Yeah? How the fuck do you figure that one?" Eren asked, getting angrier. Armin sat on Eren's bed watching the exchange silently.

"I don't have to explain myself to you," I said, expressionless, digging myself into a deeper hole.

"What the fuck, Levi!?" he yelled and stood crossing the room and he yanked me to my feet. Damn brat had some strength in him, "You can't just say shit like that and __not__ explain. Why the hell does it matter to you if I go out with Marco or not. Last I knew, it wasn't your job to babysit me."

"Eren, you're overreacting," Armin says from his place on the bed and Eren takes a few breaths before stepping away and releasing my arm.

We stand there for a few moments of tense silence before I retrieve the DS from the floor and turned it on. Worked like a charm.

"I fixed it," I told him blandly, "Now you are free to stop using your sister's. And whatever. Go ahead and fuck anyone who will put their dick in you. It's none of my business."

Knowing that people got to see Eren vulnerable and submissive pissed me off to no end and I was realizing that maybe I wasn't as straight as I thought I was.

I wanted to leave. I needed to get out of here. Find Petra and make out with her or something before I completely lost my cool. Hopefully she wasn't busy.

"Why the fuck are you angry?" Eren's voice pierced through my inner thoughts, "You are saying all this shit, but it's because you are pissed and I don't understand why."

Leave it to fucking Bright Eyes to understand that I was insulting him because I was angry. I didn't plan on sticking around for him to figure out why, although, I'm sure Armin had by now, judging by the look on his face.

"None of your damn, business, brat," I spat out, "I'm leaving."

I didn't say goodbye or anything; I just simply left the room, closing the door behind me as I went downstairs, still angry.

"Levi, dear, are you alright?" Carla's voice came as she stepped out of the living room, "You look upset and I heard yelling."

I rearranged my face to look more neutral.

"Your son just beat me at a game, Mrs. Jeager," I lied, and there was something about lying to her that made me feel incredibly guilty.

"Oh, well, I hope you aren't leaving because of that," she said, and even though her face was kind, her voice hinted at disapproval of me leaving for something as childish at losing a game.

"Ah, no," I lied again, "Petra-my girlfriend-texted me and said that she wanted to hang out."

Her face brightened and I was struck by how much Eren looked like her.

"In that case, have fun and you should bring more of your friends over more often," she told me, "Eren loves you guys."

I pretended that didn't make my heart thump a little bit faster.

I politely said my goodbye and left the house before letting out a groaning sigh.

I had a huge problem and I needed to fix it.


	10. 5-Present

Summer seems to pass much quicker than previous years and suddenly, it's already time for Connie's bonfire.

I've only been to Connie's annual bonfire once but just like last time, it's fucking crazy.

Connie's parents always go out of town for some ski trip, although, why the fuck anyone would take a ski trip in August is lost on me.

Eren, Mikasa, Jean, Armin, and I all pull up in my 2005 Sedan that I take great pride in. We can hear music and see the bonfire casting shadows from behind the house and we know that the party has already started, even though we aren't late.

Eren is fidgety but nobody says anything. We had all assured him that he didn't have to come if he didn't want to, but he had insisted.

I park the car and we get out and head around to the back. The music gets louder and then we see the giant bonfire.

People are already drunk and it's only nine. I look over at Eren to see him taking a deep breath but before I say anything, Connie rushes over.

"You guys came!" he exclaims, "Hanji and Erwin and that guy that keeps sniffing everyone are already here. The rest haven't come yet but they said they would."

"Every year I wonder how you don't get busted for this," Jean says, eyes wandering over to were the drinks are.

Connie shrugs.

"My dad's a cop and Hannes is on duty tonight," he tells us.

That makes sense. If Hannes ended up coming to try and break up the party, odds are he would just sit down and join us rather than arrest us for underage drinking. Fucking drunk. Shiganshina's finest at work.

Then again, he was the one who found Eren, so I guess I can't complain too badly.

Armin wanders off to 'mingle' but we all know that it means he wants to find Annie. The rest of us get some drinks before Jean pulls Mikasa away to dance or something. Mikasa gives a worried look to Eren but he shoos her away, rolling his eyes.

"How are you?" I ask quietly. I notice he hasn't drunk any of his beer; it seems as if he just needed something to hold.

He shrugs, not really being able to sign since his hand was occupied.

"Listen, if it gets to be too much, just tell me and we can leave, okay?" I say and he gives me an irritated look.

I sigh.

"I just don't want you to be overwhelmed," I say and he shakes his head and gives me a thumbs up.

Suddenly, one hundred and thirty-two pounds of excitable energy slams into me.

"Levi! We really don't see each other enough!" Hanji yells into my ear.

"We saw each other two days ago," I remind her.

"But we used to see each other everyday!" she whines and I can tell she is a bit tipsy.

"That's before you went to college, Shit Specs," I say.

"I've told you! You can't call me that when you've got these on!" she tells me, tapping the glass on my glasses.

"Fucking perfect," I grumble, taking them off to clean them, "Now you smudged them. This is why I don't like wearing them."

"Eren!" Hanji exclaims, ignoring me and throwing her arms around him, almost tripping over herself, "It's so good to see the cutie with the booty again!" she says, squishing her face against his, "It's been forever!"

"Again, Hanji, it's been two days," I roll my eyes but Eren smiles a bit.

"Come one," she says, pulling his hand, "Erwin would love to see you guys again."

We spend a good two hours talking and roasting marshmallows and drinking. Well, except for Eren. I keep an eye on him, noting that he is getting more and more tense as the night goes on.

Eren lets Krista, who always gets pretty rambunctious when she is drunk, curl his hair, to which he looks in a mirror and lets out his version of a laugh and he pretends to fluff the curls.

He looks like he is having fun, but I can tell that he is on edge. Their is a strain in his eyes and a tension in his shoulders that just doesn't leave.

Petra and Auruo make an appearance only to disappear again after ten minutes of heavy making out after Gunter and Erd start rating their kissing skills. It's good to be back around my old friends once more. It makes me feel for just a second that nothing has changed.

Then, Eren hands me his now warm beer. I look up at him as he stands.

"__I'm going to go to the bathroom__," he says and doesn't even wait for me to reply before he stalks off.

"He shouldn't be left alone right now," Mike says and I turn to look at him, "He smells...distressed."

I know Mike is probably right but I don't want Eren to feel like I'm hovering over him.

"If he isn't back in fifteen, I'll go check on him," I say as nonchalantly as possible and everyone seems to agree.

I give him five extra minutes and he still hasn't returned. I try not to worry as I stand and tell the group that I will be back before I walk towards the house.

I run into Sasha along the way as she is carrying a shit load of hot dogs and hot dog buns. She already has stuffed two of them in her mouth.

"Have you seen Eren?" I ask her and she things for a moment. I learned a long time ago that she is a very forgetful drunk, so I don't hold much hope that she remembers where he is if she even saw him.

She practically inhales her hot dogs before she answers.

"Bathroom?" she says unhelpfully, "I think I saw him go into the bathroom upstairs. Not sure. Want a hot dog?"  
I decline and go inside the house and on my way through the house, I see couples who think they are being discreet about fucking each other around every damn corner.

I climb the stairs and almost knock on the first door when I hear the squeaking of a mattress and decide to ignore that room. I check the next room, but that turns out to be an empty bedroom. I knock on the third door and when I don't hear anything, I try the door handle and find that it opens.

I look around to see that nobody is in the bathroom when I hear a shuddering sigh come from behind the shower curtain. I step into the bathroom and close the door behind me, locking it before I step over and pull back the curtain.

There is Eren, head in his knees, breathing heavily, sitting in the tub. His music is turned up loudly enough that I can hear it through his thick headphones.

I step into the tub and he must feel it because his head snaps up and I see a brief glimpse of fear on his tear streaked face.

I sit down in front of him before I pull him into my arms.

He is having a panic attack and this hasn't been the first one he has had. All of us have found that the best way to handle it is just to hold him and not say anything until he calms down. He didn't like being talked to when he was like this.

He clings to me and cries and I feel my heart break for him. I wish I knew what was running through his mind at times like these so I could make any terrible thoughts he had go away. Some boyfriend I am.

Silent cries have always been the worst, but I know that Eren would be sobbing and wailing if he had the voice to, which is almost worse. I run my fingers through his hair to comfort him, waiting for him to calm down.

It takes a while, and my legs fall asleep in the process, but his tears stop and his sobs cease.

Eren has had this habit to breathe out his words when he is too lazy to sign. The words come out distorted and very quiet and it took me a while to figure out what he was saying when he first starting doing it, but now I can almost always figure it out.

"How did you get in?" he breathes against my neck and I tighten my hold around him.

"The door was unlocked," I answer him and he sighs.

There is a few beats of silence before he starts again.

"I thought I could do it," he breathes and I strain my ears so I can make out everything he is saying, "But I'm scared...of everything. He's gone, but there are...more people out there like him. I don't fit in with these people anymore. They don't...understand. They can't. And I don't feel...safe anymore. I don't know if I ever will."

I sit there, not sure what to say, but I continue to thread my fingers in his long hair.

He eventually tells me that he wants to go home and I agree to take him. I didn't drink when I saw Eren wasn't drinking on the off chance that this would happen.

He stands up and exits the tub before he turns to wait for me to stand.

His green eyes are filled with sorrow and loss and I don't know what I should do to comfort him. But that's not all.

He looks like a man that doesn't know how much longer he can last but is too afraid to call out for help.


	11. 6-Past

The way I fixed my problem was to avoid Eren. It was a fucking stupid solution, but I did it nonetheless.

So, for the next month, I found excuses to get out of get togethers that involved Eren, ignored his texts, and just in general made sure that I didn't have to see his ridiculous face. Apparently, I had reverted back to middle school and I couldn't seem to man the fuck up about it.

It was more than just my sexuality crisis that made my stupid little crush a problem. It was the fact that I was already in a good relationship. Petra didn't deserve to have a boyfriend pining over someone, let alone another guy. I didn't want to break her heart or make her hate me.

Petra however, didn't seem to notice and was being more clingy to me of the late. I didn't mind. It was as if she had noticed how distant she had been and started to make up for it. Most of the time we were together, we spent our time making out and feeling each other up as if we were trying to prove something. Or maybe that was just me.

We did this for a month. I pretended not to notice Eren, but I found that it just made me want to be around him more. Even when I was with Petra, my thoughts would stray over to the underclassman with bright green eyes.

It was Halloween weekend and the whole group decided to go to 'Halloween Fest' at an old piece of land that used to be a farm. Unfortunately, the whole group included Eren and all of his friends too. Petra convinced me to go and I decided that I could last one night.

However when I got there, I knew it was a terrible idea. Once I saw his green eyes I knew that I was a goner.

"Alright," Hanji said excitedly, "I really want to do apple bobbing but there is also a haunted house and a haunted hay ride and we should all do those too. Levi you are the best shot so you can do those shooting games and get us all a stuffed animal!"

"Fuck you, Shit Specs," I rolled my eyes, "I'm not spending my entire evening chained to a stupid booth where they fuck you over."

"I'm sure you would rather spend it avoiding people instead," Eren said and everyone became silent. I chanced a glance at him and saw that he was glaring daggers at me.

"Apple bobbing sounds fun, Hanji," Armin said to break the silence and everyone else quickly agreed.

I didn't look at Eren as we walked and most of the others moved past the awkwardness that had been created and were talking excitedly.

We moved among random booths, playing various games. The group started to fracture off and eventually, Petra and I ended up wandering back to the car, climbing in the back of it and started playing a game of tonsil hockey.

It wasn't until both our shirts were off that Petra put a hand on my chest.

"Wait, stop," she said and I opened my eyes to look down at her, "What are we doing Levi?"

"I...thought that would have been obvious," I told her. After all, we were half naked with every intent of getting fully naked.

She sighed and started to sit up. I leaned back and watched as she put her clothes back on again before she looked back at me.

"Levi, I think you know that this isn't going to work out," she said quietly.

Instead of the dread I thought I would feel at these words, I felt relief wash through me. But still, I ended up arguing.

"Why?" I asked her and she rolled her eyes.

"Because we aren't in love with each other," she said as if it was the simplest thing in the world, "We love each other, yeah, but I know that you don't like me the way boyfriends usually like their girlfriends and it's the same for me."

I looked down for a moment, making sense of her words. I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted, but at the same time, something dropped in my stomach as I realized that I had been a dick to the person I did want to be with.

"Levi, I really, really like Auruo," she said, breaking my reverie, "And I know that you really, really like Eren."

My head snapped up, eyes frantic as I searched her face and she giggled.

"Is it that obvious?" I asked.

"Levi, I'm your girlfriend," she said, rolling her eyes, "And I don't even think it would take me being your girlfriend to see that you have been avoiding him for a while but every time you see him, you get this cute dreamy look on your face."

I groaned and leaned my head against her shoulder.

"I'm not gay."

Petra actually laughed at that and I snapped my head back and glared at her.

"I never said you were," she laughed.

"I can see it on your face. You think I'm gay!"

"Well, you do want to date a man..."

"I'm not gay, Petra!" I exclaim and she laughs again.

"Alright, alright," she concedes, "You aren't gay."

I could tell she didn't mean it though.

We sat for a moment in silence before I spoke.

"So...Auruo?"

She turned a bit pink before she nodded.

"Yeah," she answered, "When I went on vacation, I noticed...well, don't take this the wrong way...but I noticed I looked forward to his texts a lot more than yours. Then when I came back, I hung out with him a lot more and I started to notice that my feelings weren't exactly platonic."

I nodded my head.

"He adores you, you know," I told her and she nodded.

"I know. Even when we started dating, he never disrespected you or me," she smiled, "He may try to hard to be cool and seem like a dick, but he is really a nice guy."  
She sounded completely smitten. It was a weird sort of mutual break up, but at least we understood each other.

"Are you going to tell him?" I asked and she nodded again.

"I have it easier than you do, though," she said and I looked at her, confused.

"I know Auruo already likes me, but you have been an asshole to Eren," she said a matter-of-factly and I groaned, knowing she was right.

She took ahold of my chin and raised it so I could see her face. She had a severe, maternal sort of look.

"I don't care if you tell him how you feel tonight or not, but you better apologize, Levi Ackerman," she commanded, "You understand?"

I would protest, but I know Petra can be downright scary when she wants to be. I knew there was no arguing with her about this one.

I nodded.

"Great," she brightened, releasing my chin, "Now put your shirt and jacket on. We have people to talk to."

I did as she instructed and we both left the car. We started to walk back towards the festival in silence.

"Petra?" I said quietly and she looked up at me, "Thanks...for understanding. And for being you, I suppose."

She smiled at me and I still found her utterly adorable, but I knew that I felt something a little stronger for someone else than I ever did for her.

We got back into the throng of the crowd, looking for our friends when Petra squeezed my hand and pointed. Auruo, Gunter, and Erd were playing that stupid game with the huge hammer.

"I'm...going to go," she said, "Don't forget to apologize."  
"I won't," I assured her and she stood on her tiptoes to give me a kiss on the cheek before she smiled and started towards the group of boys.

I watched as she approached Auruo and spoke to him for a few seconds before the both waved a goodbye to Gunter and Erd and wandered off, probably to find somewhere more private and quiet.

I let out a breath through my nose, knowing that I needed to find Eren.

I must have wandered around that damn place for maybe a half hour before I found Eren with Connie and Sasha in front of a candy apple booth.

I braced myself before I approached. Connie saw me first and tapped Eren on the shoulder and pointed towards me. Once Eren saw me, his face hardened and I faltered before I kept coming until I was in front of him.

"Eren...can we talk?" I asked before my eyes flickered to Connie and Sasha then back to him, "Alone?"

"Oh, so _now_ you actually acknowledge my existence," he said angrily, "It's a miracle."

Connie and Sasha shifted uncomfortably before Connie said, "Sash and I are going to go into the corn maze. We'll see you later."

He took Sasha's hand and dragged her away, leaving me and Eren standing in a very public place, but alone at the same time.

"Can we go somewhere more private?" I asked and he only crossed his arms and pressed his lips together.

I sighed. I should have known that his stubbornness would make this a lot harder.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry," I said.

"For what?" he challenged, "For sticking your nose in my love life? And for being an asshole about it? Or are you sorry for ignoring me? Or are you sorry for acting like a complete dick? Or-"

"All of it," I interrupted, "I'm sorry for all of it. Your love life isn't mine to judge and ignoring you was stupid and I did act like a dick and I'm sorry for all of it."

He gazes at me, trying to gauge my sincerity.

"What did I do?" he asked and I can see a bit of vulnerability in his eyes and I know that somewhere inside him, he thought he had done something wrong.

"Nothing, Bright Eyes," I sighed, "I'm just an asshole. You didn't do anything."

"Then...why?"

I bite my lip. I could tell him why, but I'm not ready. He hasn't even forgiven me yet and this isn't the movies. Me telling him that I like him isn't going to make everything instantly okay. If anything, it would make everything more awkward.

That and I'm a pussy.

So, I lied.

"Petra and I broke up tonight," I told him and his angry act drops for a second and he looks concerned, "I could tell it was coming and I don't hate her for it or anything, but I think I was jealous that you were finding someone."

That sounded acceptable, right?

He looked at me before he lowered his arms.

"You still were a dick," he mumbled and I knew I was being forgiven.

"Yeah, I was, and odds are, I'll be a dick in the future," I told him, "But do you know how much my ego has gone down by coming to apologize?"

He looked me over before he cracked a smile.

"Fuck, you are such an asshole, Levi," he said, "You can't even apologize without being a douche."

Well, I couldn't argue there.

"Just promise me that if something is bothering you about me, just tell me," Eren said, "I've spent the last month wondering what I did to piss you off and it's been pissing me off."  
"Deal," I agreed.

I couldn't tell him tonight. Maybe soon, but not tonight.

However, when he smiled at me, I could feel my heart speed up a little and I knew that I wasn't going to last very much longer.


	12. 6-Present

"...And then I went to find his sister, who is my cousin, sort of, and tell them we are leaving and I take him home," I finish as I rinse another dish.

It's been a couple days since the party and I'm back at Maggie Brown's place. It started out with me fixing her VCR before I changed a few light bulbs. I asked if I could do her dishes for her since she seemed to be confined to her wheelchair now and needed all the help she could get.

She had asked about my weekend and I ended up telling her everything, even though she probably didn't care.

She sits in silence before she says, "He is trying to distance himself."

I look over at her and she nods.

"He is trying to distance himself from his friends because he is depressed," she tells me, "He probably wishes he had died back with the rest of his friends. He is scared that it could happen again, but he hates himself for surviving."

What she says makes me feel like I've just been hit by a train.

"No...that's...Eren's a survivor," I say dumbly, "He fights to live."

"Listen, Levi dear," she says, but not condescendingly, "My husband had severe depression and PTSD when he came back from war and I'm sure my Moses would have had the same if he had the chance to come back. I'm not trying to worry you, but it's only a matter of time before he tries to distance himself away from his parents, his sister, and even you. My advice is to not let that happen. He is recovering, but I suspect that there is going to be quite a bit of road bumps before he actually starts getting better."

I slow my work as I think over what she is saying. This is something I like about Mrs. Brown. She has been through shit herself and she isn't going to tell me that everything is going to be alright now that Eren has been saved. She knows, but she doesn't treat me like I know nothing.

"What was your son like, Mrs. Brown?" I ask.

"Maggie," she corrects, "But he was a free spirit. Joined the army for the wrong reasons. I told him, 'You don't have to be like your father' but he was so intent on it. Too many young men try to be their dads even if they don't know it."

That thought scared me. I wanted to be nothing like my father.

"But, I think what he really wanted to do was see the world, which he was a idiot for. That's not a good reason to join the army either. His father and I could have paid for it if that was what he really wanted.

"But...I suppose you remind me of him. You have a heart like he did, even if you don't like to show it. You love really deeply. I'm sure your mother is very proud to have a son like you."

I am embarrassed and I don't know how to respond and I return to the dishes. I don't know why her approval means so much to me, but I find that it boosts my self esteem slightly.

"Eren wants to see the world," I say before I can stop myself, "He always wanted to see the ocean with his friend Armin. If I had the money, I would take him to Belize. My mom says it's nice there."

"Oh it is," she responds, "Beautiful. The water is so blue and the locals are very friendly. I must have gotten several marriage proposals when I was down there, much to my husband's irritation."

She chuckles and I smile. I forget that sometimes, other people have lives to that have nothing to do with mine. Maybe that is an egotistical thought, but it's comforting to be reminded that people have been living decades before me and there are people who will live decades after me.

She starts coughing and I ask her if she is alright but all she does is reach for her water.

"Now, you said that his sister is your cousin?" she asks after she recovers and I can see her mind working. My mind is diverted from he coughing fit.

"Um, yeah," I answer. Mikasa's story wasn't a pretty one, but I figure that Mrs. Brown is safe to talk to.

"Her dad and my dad were brothers," I tell her, "But when she was nine, her parents and her got into a really bad accident.I'm not sure if it was a car accident or something else. It was a weird situation that nobody except her knows the real story. She survived, but her parents weren't so lucky. Somehow, Eren's family adopted her."

There was more to the story, but Mikasa and Eren never expanded on it. I asked Eren about it once, but he had told me it wasn't his place to say, which was strange because Eren doesn't have a filter, so it must have been pretty serious.

"Why didn't she come to live with you since you are the closest living relatives?" Mrs. Brown asks and its a fair question, but I stiffen.

"My dad...wasn't a good man," I say, focusing to intently on the dishes, "He was never around, thank God. And there was something about wanting Mikasa to be in a stable home and my mother couldn't provide that with just her."

"That's ridiculous," Mrs. Brown says and I have to agree, "Your mother seems to have raised you very well, despite raising you alone."

"I like to think so," I tell her, thinking of all the times my mom has gone without something because I needed something more. It hasn't been until recently, when she got her Accounting degree and started to work at H&amp;R Block, that we had actually had more money, "But I think growing up with Eren was good for her."

It's silent for a couple minutes and I finish the dishes. I decide that I probably go back to my job and tell Mrs. Brown just as much.

"I should say so," she laughs, "One of these days, your boss is going to fire you for wasting company time."

"I wouldn't worry so much about the owner of the place," I tell her, "It's the manager that I worry about. Nile is a prick."

She doesn't scold me for language but she does shake her head.

"Well, if you want to earn money to take you boyfriend on a trip, I suggest you get back to work," she tells me and I nod before I gather up my things and she pays me, tipping me more than necessary.

"For cleaning," she says, just like she says every time.

For a minute, she looks as old as she is and I suddenly worry for her. She has been more subdued lately and coughing more.

But before I can ask if she's alright, she shoos me out of her house and I have nothing left to do than to get in the car and go back to work.

'Recon Electronics' isn't exactly the first name I would pick for a electronics store, but it was easy to remember, especially since everyone just called it 'Recon's'.

Fortunately, both Farlan and Isabel are working today. Unfortunately, Pixis isn't and Nile is.

"That was an awfully long house call," he says, once I step into the store, voice dripping with suspicion.

"Yeah, it's harder to fuck older ladies when they are in wheelchairs, but I manage to get it done," I reply and I hear Izzy snort as she is restocking.

"Ackerman, you need to learn to speak with a little more decorum and make house calls faster," he spits, "We don't pay you to slack off."

I sigh and take my bag to the back and he follows me.

We each have our own little cubicle where we work on various electronics and mine is covered in shit, which I know isn't how I left it before I went to Mrs. Brown's.

"What the fuck is this?" I ask, eyes narrowing at Nile.

"That's the work that piled up for you while you were having your playdate," he responds smugly, "Can't have sales going down just because you decide that you don't want to do your job."

I hear Farlan sigh from his cubicle and I know that he is biting his tongue.

I however, have not mastered this concept yet.

"Wow, Nile," I say sarcastically, "It looks as if you have more wispy hairs on your chin than brain cells because maybe if you had actually looked at the sales, you would see that they have gone up quite a bit since I started working here and having 'playdates'."

"It's true. Pixis even says so," Farlan agrees and I'm glad he has my back on this one.

"Next time, why don't you actually do some work instead of seething about how you don't think I'm doing my job well enough," I say before I sit down and look over at everything, "Did you even catalog all this shit or are you going to leave me to figure out what the fuck is wrong with it?"

Nile huffs and stalks away, obviously wanting to leave me screwed. He didn't even write down the names or numbers of the people who dropped each item off. How did this guy become a manager again? Oh, right, he has an IT degree and never lets us forget it.

"Levi," Farlan says, and I look up to see his head popping over the top of the cubicle wall, "Izzy wrote down everything while Nile had his head up his ass. The notes are in her desk, third drawer down."

I stand and go to where Farlan directed me and find them.

"You guys are lifesavers," I sigh in relief. This makes my job ten times easier.

"I can help you too," he responds, "He kept insisting that you needed to learn a lesson, so I've had nothing to do all day. Izzy complained about it and that's why she is stocking right now."

I smirk. Classic Isabel.

"Alright, let's get this shit done," I say.

* * *

**So, I totally forgot I put this story on this site so I'll be adding chapters here! Sorry about that! If you guys have a tumblr, follow me at obsessionwithfiction and I track the tag 'fic: ltw'. Happy reading!**


	13. 7-Past

I may have had a disdain for unnecessary messes, but I was still a teenage boy. And sometimes, some messes _were_ necessary and unavoidable.

Which is how I ended up half naked in my bed, fisting my hard on.

I had started out by trying to watch some gay porn. I mean, I had never really watched it before, but I figured that since my fucking crush on Eren wasn't going anywhere, I might as well try and get off on it.

That didn't work because seeing those guys take it in the ass made me softer than melted cheese.

At first, I was worried because maybe I really wasn't into Eren. I mean, I knew there could be relationships without sex, but that wasn't really something I would want to do without.

But then I started to imagine Eren kissing me, letting me slip my tongue inside his mouth as his hands wandered up my body. He moaned, the vibrations jolting through my mouth and going straight to my dick.

His hands wandered underneath my shirt and mine fisted in his hair, holding tightly until he lifted my shirt over my head. I tried to kiss him again but his lips attached themselves to my neck and I shivered as he nipped my Adam's apple.

"Eren..." I breathed and he looked up at me with those fucking gorgeous eyes.

"Levi, I want you," he told me and I claimed his lips ferally, pushing him back into the bed, straddling him.

I got his shirt off and I kissed every inch of his exposed chest. He rumbled appreciatively and threaded his fingers in my hair as my lips got closer and closer to his groin.

I finally reached the top of his pants and I looked up for approval and he nodded, face flushed.

I undid his is button and zipper and he wiggled his hips to help me as I pulled his pants and underwear down and got his legs out of them.

He was completely naked beneath me and I saw his cock twitch with need as his lust glazed eyes looked me over.

I had never sucked a dick, but it was my fantasy, so I imagined that I'm a fucking pro at it. I dipped my head down and licked the top, swiping off a bead of bitter precum before I placed my lips over just the head and sucked.

Eren threw his head back and moaned deeply and that spurred me on to take more of him into my mouth. Once I felt the head hit the back of my throat, I pulled off to catch my breath before I toke him into my mouth again.

I fumble with my own pants and pull them off to start touching myself. I took Eren down to the base, well-trimmed pubic hairs brushing my nose as I inhaled his scent and taste his skin. He smelled and tasted faintly of soap so I know he washed for me, which turned me on more.

I swallowed and Eren moaned my name.

"Levi, fuck...you're so..._good_."

That simple praise shouldn't have effect me the way it did but I started bobbing my head up and down, as I pumped myself in rhythm.

Eren's fingers tightened in my hair and his breathing became more labored. He started to buck unconsciously into my mouth, whining and moaning, getting louder and louder every time I brought my head down. My throat was burning and my eyes were watering, but it was worth it to feel him writhing beneath me. I stroked myself faster, moaning around him and feeling myself get closer and I could tell by the way Eren was practically screaming that he was too.

"L-levi...I'm gonna..." he keened and I tapped his thigh to let him know it was alright.

He spilled into my mouth, and I swallowed, still working my mouth to get him through his orgasm. My hand was moving faster and faster as I heard him breathily moan my name and then...

My body was white hot and I came with Eren's name on my lips, pumping myself for all I was worth. Every part of me was tingling with electricity and my toes curled, letting the pleasure wash through me like a much needed drink after running a marathon.

My hand started to slow and and I realized that I had cum all over my hand and part of my stomach. I wasn't going to lie, that was my hardest orgasm in while and I wondered what it would be like if I actually was with Eren. I wouldn't fool myself into thinking that it would be anything like my fantasy, but maybe he could make me orgasm just as hard.

I caught my breath before I grabbed some tissues to clean myself up before I decided to just change out of my shirt and put on new clothes, but the other ones in the hamper. After doing so, I washed my hands before I went back into my bedroom, making sure that I had kept the mess contained.

I saw that my phone was blinking and unlocked my phone to see that my mom had texted me, which was weird because she was downstairs watching TV.

**Mom: **_Dinner is ready! :) _

The text was sent no more than five minutes before and once I made sure that I looked presentable and not like I had just jacked off, I went downstairs.

My mom was in the kitchen, getting a salad together and to my horror, Erwin was there, helping her.

"Oh, hello dear! I would have had you come down sooner, but Erwin said you were a bit busy," she said cheerfully, but I know she is mocking me, "He came over to hang out, but we've been chatting while you...finished up."

"Oh my God," I said, turning completely white as I looked over at Erwin, who, to his credit, was keeping a completely straight face.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of, Levi. I would be more concerned if you weren't-"

"Oh my God, Mom, no," I interrupted , horrified. I couldn't belief this was happening to me.

My mom pressed her lips together in obvious sadistic amusement.

"I'll go and put the salad on the table," she said, "You are welcome to join us for dinner Erwin."

She left the kitchen and Erwin and I stood in silence.

"So. Eren, huh?" Erwin said and my eyes snapped to his and I could see the same look my mother had given me in them.

I wasn't one to ever be melodramatic, but I wanted the earth to swallow me whole right then. This was something I had never wanted to experience.

"Holy shit, you fucking pervert," I spat, going defensive, "I don't stand out your door and listen to you get off."

"To be fair, Levi, you weren't exactly quiet," Erwin said offhandedly and I couldn't believe we were having this fucking conversation.

On the other hand, I had always thought of myself as a quiet lover. I would have to ask Petra about my noise levels in bed.

Erwin sighed.

"It's not like I didn't know anyway," he said, "Hell, everyone has noticed that ever since the Halloween Festival, you two have been really...chummy. Even Auruo has noticed."

I groaned. If Auruo had noticed, than I must have been really obvious. I prided myself on being really discreet about my emotions. But apparently, when it came to Eren, I wore my heart on my sleeve.

"Shit," I cursed, rubbing my eyes.

"I think the only one that _hasn't_ noticed is the object of your affections," Erwin told me and I felt relief wash through me.

"I'm not gay," I told him.

"But you just jacked off to the fantasy of sucking somone's dick," Erwin said and I gaped. How the fuck did he know that?

He shrugged.

"Like I said, you aren't exactly quiet," he said just as my mom came back into the kitchen, effectively ending the conversation.

* * *

Eren and I texted and started Skyping a lot more than normal boys who just wanted to be friends usually would. I found that even if I saw him at school, seeing him on a more personal level was something I craved.

He had less time to talk when basketball season rolled around, but we still found time to text each other. I realized what Erwin had said about me being very obvious, but surprisingly, nobody even so much as teased me, not even Hanji. It was as if they could all understand that I was going through a weird sexuality crisis that only had to do with Eren himself.

I found myself looking forward to our daily Skype sessions where normally, I would put off homework while he would work on his Russian. A lot of the time, it was just us sitting in silence until one, or both of us, would fall asleep.

"So how are things with Marco?" I asked at one point and he looked up at me before he blushed.

"Uh...Marco and I...decided that it wasn't going to work out," he said nervously and I wondered why.

"Oh?"

I tried not to betray my glee in my tone.

"Y-yeah," he said, "I kind of like someone else."

I raised my eyebrows and waited for him to continue but he went back to working on his Russian translation.

"Well, are you going to tell me who it is?" I pressed.

"No."

That answer took me aback, especially since he didn't even look at me.

"Why the fuck not?"

"Because the last time you found out who I liked, you went batshit crazy and stopped talking to me."

Well, damn, that hurt. But then again, it was very true. I supposed I deserved that.

I wanted to tell him why and tell him how I was a complete heterosexual who thought that butterflies in the stomach was a product of indigestion before I met him. But I didn't.

"You have a point," I conceded, "But I still think you should tell me who it is."

"Only if you tell me why you and Petra broke up."

Well, shit. As badly as I wanted to know who his crush was, it wouldn't be worth it. I would be telling him I liked him while he would be telling me that he liked someone else.

"Petra liked Auruo so-"

"Oh, that's bullshit, Levi," Eren sighed, "I mean, that's partly true, but I _know_ you Levi. I know when you are lying and there is another reason."

I bit my lip, considering telling him that I just had someone else I was interested in, but that would bring another barrage of questions.

I sighed.

"Whatever," I spat, "Good luck with your new crush. He would be an idiot not to have you."

He looked up at me and opened his mouth before he closed it again. I watched him with a disinterested expression and he blushed again and looked back down.

"Thanks, Levi," he mumbled.

We went back to our respective 'work', talking every once and a while before I got up to take a shower. He usually took showers in the morning, so I didn't nag him about it.

When I came back, I found that he had laid down in his bed and had fallen asleep, having waited for me to get back like he usually did.

I let myself smile and brought my laptop from my desk to my bed, setting it down beside me as I laid down as well. I found it comforted me that even if he wasn't here physically, he still was here, even if that didn't make any sense at all.

I watched him heave deep breaths, eyes twitching in his sleep and he looked so..._ adorable _. It made my face burn to know that I had been jerking off to someone who looked so innocent while he slept.

The last thing I did before I fell asleep was reach over to my keyboard and take a screenshot of him and save it into my creepy stalker folder filled with screenshots of Eren.


	14. 7-Present

Mikasa decided to go to the local community college in town for physical therapy. Jean is going to Stohess, same as Erwin, saying that it was where he and Marco were going to go and is undecided as to what he wanted to do. Armin stayed in Shiganshina, but commuted to the state college about half hour away. After the whole Eren ordeal, Armin had taken a great interest in vocal chords and decided to study to become a doctor to see if there was a possible way to help mute people.

There is something sweet about Armin caring so much about Eren. I suppose it is to be expected seeing as Armin and Eren have been friends since birth practically. Things affected Armin just as deeply as it did for the rest of us.

Before Jean leaves, he pulls me and Armin aside.

"Just...look out for Mikasa, alright?" he asks and I try to figure out why he doesn't think she can take care of herself.

He sees my look and he continues, "She's strong, really strong, but she spends most of her time worrying about Eren and making sure he's alright that she doesn't ever think about herself. Especially now that she is going to be going to school, it's going to wear her out but she won't say anything. I get it, I really do, but just make sure she is okay. For me."

Armin puts his hand on Jean's shoulder and smiles.

"Of course we will Jean," he answers, "We know how she can get."

Jean looks a bit relieved and it strikes me that he must really love Mikasa. I have a feeling that he probably wouldn't be leaving if it weren't for his plans with Marco. It was like some promise he had to fulfill for his friend.

After a prolonged goodbye between the couple, to which Eren rolls his eyes and makes a gagging gesture, Jean gets in his car and starts his five hour drive to his new home for the next couple of months.

The next week, both Armin and Mikasa start their first week of classes.

I can feel Eren shifting on the inside, knowing that he should be going to college too. Instead, he seems like he has no direction or even motivation.

It's hard, of course, considering that the one thing he had been passionate about had been taken away from him.

His mother tries suggesting things he can do, and even takes him to her preschool once or twice. I try and take Mrs. Brown's advice and tell him we should start taking judo, but he seems to start resenting every suggestion that we come up with.

I know that nobody expects him to recover quickly. It's been little over a year since he was first taken and it is coming up on the year anniversary of when he was rescued. We all knew that this was going to be tumultuous.

Ever since the party, however, Eren has been more bitter and withdrawn, which worries all of us. I had already explained what had happened, and even though Carla and Grisha disapproved of the party, they expressed their relief that I was there and could bring him home.

He does, however, spend most of his time reading. He reads everything, in every language he knows. I am happy that even if he can't speak, he is using his language skills.

Every Wednesday, he has his weekly therapy sessions with a specialist. He doesn't ever say much about them, except for the fact that he hates them. He says that his therapist, a woman named Rico Brenzska, isn't so bad, but I know that he dislikes feeling like he needs help.

I get out of work earlier than usual this Wednesday so I decide to go over to the Jaeger's house. Only Mikasa is home and she is upstairs watching TV when I come in.

She doesn't question why I'm here even though Eren isn't here. She just nods her head in acknowledgment as I sit down.

"No classes today?" I ask, even though I am positive she has classes everyday now.  
"I had them earlier today," she answers.

I notice that she has dark circles under her eyes and I know she has been stretching herself. I may not be particularly close to her, but I do worry about her. Like me, she doesn't really show emotion in the same way that most people do. Must be a family trait.

"We don't go running anymore," I say and she turns to look at me, observing me carefully.

"No, we don't," she agrees and I can tell she is wondering why I'm bringing this up.

"Do you go by yourself now?" I ask.

"No, I don't have the time anymore, really. I work out at the gym when I get the chance," she answers and returns her attention to the television.

She's been wearing herself out with looking after Eren and school. Jean is right. She doesn't look after herself as much as she should.

She yawns and I sigh.

"You should take a nap or something before Eren gets home," I tell her, "You look like shit."

She glares at me before another yawn ruins it.

"Seriously, I know you aren't getting enough sleep," I say, "It's unhealthy."

She chews on her bottom lip before she decides that I was probably right. She stood and starts toward her bedroom before she turns towards me.

"Wake me up when Eren gets home," she says severely but it doesn't bother me in the least and I give a noncommittal grunt. She apparently realizes this is the most she is going to get from me and goes into her bedroom and closes the door.

It isn't long before I hear Carla and Eren downstairs as they come home. Carla chatters on and there is silences where I know Eren is speaking to her. The silences weigh on my mind, knowing that Eren would love to be using his voice to talk to his mother.

Eventually, I hear him climbing the stairs and he stops when he sees me.

"Hey there, Bright Eyes," I say and for some reason, he frowns. I try not to feel hurt.

"_Where's Mikasa?_" he asks.

"She's sleeping," I say, "We probably should leave her alone for a while. She looks like she needs some rest."

He gazes at me and it looks like something inside of him breaks, although I'm not sure why.

"We can watch some TV together if you want," I say, and for some reason, I feel like I'm grasping at straws to keep him with me, "Or if you want, we could call up Armin and do something."

He looks at me and I know his answer before he gives it.

"_No_."

And with that short and simple word, he turns to go to his own room.

Before I know what I'm doing, I'm out of my seat and across the room with my hand grasping Eren's wrist.

"Eren..." I start, but I don't know how to finish. At the party, I thought we would become closer, but it has just been the opposite since then.

_He is trying to distance himself._

Mrs. Brown's words come to my mind. I didn't realize that when she spoke them that they were actually going to be true, but now I was here, watching Eren box himself up.

_Don't let him._

"Eren," I say again, "Don't shut me out. Please."

I watch him. I feel so vulnerable saying the words, but it's one of those few moments that I don't care that my emotions are laid bare in front of him. I can't afford to lose him again.

His face softens and I see barely concealed pain in his eyes. I want to reach up and cup his face, but for some reason, I know that if I do that, he will pull away.

Instead, he closes his eyes and breathes before he pulls his arm out my grip. I don't hide the shock and hurt on my face, but instead of walking away, he takes my hand in his and squeezes it.

I feel relief bloom in my chest, knowing that he is willing to accept me and not push me away. Not completely at least.

"Eren...I know you want to be left alone," I say quietly, "But can we still do something? I don't care what...but I want spend time with you."

We are standing on opposite sides of a precipice. I've only been given enough tools and man power to make it halfway across and I've done so, but Eren stands at the other, tools in hand but looking down at how far the drop is.

However, he looks up and takes a hammer, ready to start his own side of the bridge as he nods and squeezes my hand once more, and this time, I smile and squeeze his hand back.


	15. 8-Past

Christmas, as well as my birthday, came quickly and went just as fast. My friends must have all gotten together and decided that a shit ton of lube and condoms would be appropriate gifts. At least I wouldn't run out in the next thirty years.

My mother bought me new cleaning supplies which made me abnormally happy for a seventeen-year-old boy. It was Eren's gift that really made my birthday worthwhile.

It was Emperor's Tencha tea, something I had only had once when I was very young and had wanted for a long time, but it was too damn rare and expensive to get. I had mentioned it once to Eren during a Skype conversation and I think it was in passing.

When I opened my gift from him, I swear I almost confessed my feelings for him right then and there.

Instead, I schooled my face and glared up at him.

"Eren, this was way too expensive for a Christmas present," I said.

He looked thoughtful for a moment before he nodded.

"You're right," he shrugged, "I guess I will have to make it your birthday and Christmas present. Sorry you won't get a proper birthday present from me."

I wasn't sure if I wanted to tell him to fuck off or to fuck me. I chose the former before I carefully brewed enough for the two of us and it was every bit as wonderful as I knew it would be. Eren, however, killed the flavor with a copious amount of sugar and I decided then that he would never get any of the precious tea. Regular tea, maybe, but not my Emperor's Tencha.

New Year's steadily approached and I had a tradition where we all went over to Erwin's place since his parents always decided that they wanted to bring in the new year banging in a luxury hotel room. We tried not to think about it.

I casually invited Eren, but it turned out he always hung out with his friends for New Year's. I pretended not to be disappointed about it.

I met Mike for the first time and found that Eren wasn't lying when he said that the guy had a sniffing kink. Not only that, but he was taller than Erwin the giant.

I go for a fucking normal greeting of shaking hands but he decided to step in towards me and leans down and takes a deep whiff of me.

He stood up and thought for a moment as I looked at him for some sort of fucking explanation.

He doesn't give one, just smiles and nods and I think Hanji busted a gut from laughing so hard at my bewildered expression.

We continued the night by playing Monopoly and drinking, which I never understood why we let Erwin play since he _always won_, but it was fun nonetheless.

Hanji suggested playing Spin-the-Bottle, but since most of us were straight men, myself included, and the only ones who weren't were together, we shot her down.

"But what if I spin and land on Petra?" Hanji asked with waggling eyebrows.

We all thought about it for a moment before Erwin and I got unpleasant chills but Auruo looked over at Petra with a hopeful look. He ended up getting pelted with Monopoly pieces after that.

It was about eleven thirty before Petra clapped her hands together.

"We should all say our New Year's resolutions!" she suggested and there were murmurs of agreement.

"I want to pass my Calculas II class," Mike said first and I was realizing that he was a man of few words.

"I want to cut back on eating so much peanut butter," Erwin said and we all rolled our eyes.

"That was your resolution last year," Erd pointed out and Erwin shrugged.

"I'm going to try it," Erwi said resolutely and I knew all of us were thinking back to last January when he went through peanut butter withdrawl.

"I want to start on getting my aviator license," Gunter said. We all knew for a while that he had been wanting to learn to fly a plane. His goal was to fly commercial airlines, but he wanted to start somewhere.

"I want to get a girlfriend," Erd provided.

"I want to get pregnant," Petra piped up and Auruo bit his tongue while the rest of us stared at her with wide eyes.

Petra and Hanji started laughing hysterically.

"I told you...their faces would be awesome," Hanji said through her laughter, "I knew they would be good."

Petra couldn't even talk she was laughing so hard.

"Holy shit, Petra," I sighed, feeling relief wash through me, "I thought you were serious."

"Way to give us all a heart attack," Erd agreed.

"I do think you broke Auruo though," Erwin pointed out and we all looked at the frozen boy with wide eyes and a bleeding tongue. Petra immediately snapped into action, getting tissues and cleaning him up.

"Don't ever do that to me again, Pet," he said eventually and she fucking giggled.

Hanji continued snorting until Petra said her actual resolution.

"I want to get CPR certified," she told us and that seemed like a reasonable thing to want, especially since she wanted to become an RN.

Hanji shrugged and merely said, "I want us all to be together like this next year."

Then, it was my turn.

"I want to clean more," I said and everyone groaned.

"Make a more interesting one!" Hanji insisted.

"Erwin is allowed to have not eating peanut butter but I can't have clean more as mine?" I argued and Petra shook her head.

"That's because you have something more important over your head," she said.

Eren. Of course it would fucking come back to him.

"I don't know what you mean," I lied and they all rolled their eyes.

"Why can't you just admit that you like Eren?" Erd asked, "It's not like we are going to hate you for it."

I sighed. It wasn't as if I was afraid they were going to hate me. Just for some reason, them knowing and saying it out loud made it that much more real.

But in the end, weren't my feelings for him real anyway?

"I...want to date Eren for my New Year's resolution," I mumbled and I was immediately met with loud cheers and whooping.

"That's the spirit!" Hanji yelled, "I think we should drink to it. We're going to make this happen!"

We all raised our glasses and took a long drink for good luck.

We turned the TV on and actually counted down as we brought in the year of two thousand and twelve.

We all stayed for a while longer, but when Mike and Erwin started to get handsy, we decided it was time to leave.

I didn't live far from Erwin, so unlike the others, I didn't have to call a taxi or have a parent pick me up. I told everyone goodbye and walked home, pulling my coat tighter around me.

I came home to an empty house since my mom had decided to go to a work party and wouldn't be back until a bit later. I tried to find something to watch on TV, but there was nothing really, so I went up to my room and got on the computer. I saw that Eren had Skype messaged me at midnight.

**Eren Jaeger: **_happy new year, Levi! i knew you would be getting bombed with texts, so I figured that this would be the best way to actually wish you a happy new year :) _

I rolled my eyes. The only text I would have cared about if I was being honest with myself.

**Levi Ackerman: **_happy new year. Don't get too drunk tonight. _

It wasn't nearly as sincere as I had wanted, but at least I responded.

I fucked around on the computer some more before I heard my mom come through the front door. It wasn't long before she knocked softly on my door and I called for her to come in.

She peeked in and smiled at me.

"Happy New Year, Levi," she said cheerily.

"You too, Mom," I responded and she nodded and stood there for a moment.

"What?" I asked and she chuckled.

"Did you kiss anyone into the New Year?" she inquired and I swear her and Hanji had the same mischievous look in their eyes.

"What the hell, Mom? No," I groaned, "There was nobody there too kiss. Well, I guess Hanji, but that's like kissing my sister."

"You don't have a sister," my Mom pointed out rather obviously and I rolled my eyes.

"What about you? Did you kiss anyone?"

She turned red and quickly wished me a good night before I could even question what had just happened.

"What the fuck?" I said to an empty room. I definitely did _not_ want to think of my mom scoring before I did.

I eventually decided to take a shower. It was late, or early, depending on who you were, so I knew I should head to bed soon.

When I came back into my room, however, I saw that my phone had three missed calls that were all from Eren. It was four in the fucking morning and Eren was calling me.

I was about to call him back when the phone started ringing in my hand. I answered it.

"You know, you could have just ruined a sleep cycle," I said, drying off my hair with one hand.

"I would actually be worried that I had if your bedroom light wasn't on," he answered and I paused.

"Way to sound like a fucking creep, Eren," I said, crossing over to my window and peeking out the blinds to see Eren standing on the sidewalk in front of my house, "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"I...wanted to talk to you about something," he said.

"Are you drunk?"

"No!" he yelled and I could hear it from outside as well as the phone before he quieted down, "No. I'm not drunk. Just please, Levi, let me talk to you for a second."

I sighed, thinking about my wet hair freezing outside, but decided to suck it up.

"Fine, I'll see you in a second," I said before I hung up.

I crept downstairs and put on my boots and jacket over my pajamas before I opened the door and went out into the brisk air.

Despite it being fucking late, I was still overjoyed to see Eren standing there. He was one of the first people I got to see on New Year's Day, and for some reason, that excited me.

"What did you want?" I ask, sounding more irritable than I meant.

Eren grinned at me, but he seemed nervous.

"Happy New Year!" he said happily and I couldn't help but smile slightly and say the same. His intense eyes were watching me just as much as they were conveying emotions and I was seriously beginning to wonder what was up.

"I...made a resolution that I wanted to do as soon as possible," Eren finally told me and I raised one of my eyebrows.

"And what is it?"

"I want to ask out the guy I like," he answered and I have to marvel at how similar it is to mine.

"...Alright," I said, not sure where this was leading, "What? You want me to help or something?"

I couldn't help but feel a little bit bitter at whoever this jackass is. Whoever it was, Eren probably didn't deserve them.

"Well...sorta," Eren told me and it seems to click for me.

"Do you like...Gunter or Erd?" I asked, eyes widening, "Because I can tell you now, they aren't gay. Well, Gunter is still trying to figure it out, but I don't think he is really focused on relationships right now..."

That, and they knew I liked Eren and would never go out with him knowing my feelings.

"I don't like them!" Eren said, horrified by the thought and I almost sighed in relief, "And I know they are straight!"

"Then why are you telling me this at four in the morning? It couldn't wait until later?"

Eren shook his head and seemed to straighten, eyes full of determination.

Instead of opening his mouth to say anything, he rushes forward and cups my face before he presses his lips against mine.

It wasn't the least bit unpleasant and this had been something I had been waiting for for months, but my body started to react as if it had been attacked.

I pushed Eren away from me and he stumbled back. Before he could recover, my left hand tightened into a fist and my arm pulled back before I swung at Eren. I heard the slight _pop! _as bone was knocked out of place and Eren was stumbling away from me again.

He raised his hands to his nose and my mind had caught up with what I had just done and I dropped my arm and my eyes widened.

Holy shit, I had just punched my crush in the face. This was bad, this was very, very bad.

Eren looked at me with wide eyes and I noticed that his nose was bleeding and that made things even worse, because I was pretty sure I had just broken his nose.

He had only kissed me, but I had punched him. I couldn't believe how badly I had fucked up.

"Levi..." he said muddily as his nose was now bleeding but I could only shake my head, mortified at what I had done.

I started to back away from him and he watched me but I couldn't see what his expression was.

I kept backing up until my back hit my front door. I quickly opened it and threw myself inside before I locked it and slid down to the floor, putting my hands in my head.

"Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck..." I muttered to myself.

Well, it was certain that Eren hated me. What kind of person keeps an asshole that breaks their nose around? And shit, I hadn't even offered for him to come inside to clean up his nose. Fuck!

I stood up and looked out the window, but Eren was gone.

I had fucked up really badly. I needed advice.

I ran upstairs with my boots still on and grabbed my phone, calling the one person who could make sense of everything that had just happened.


	16. 8-Present

My mom has a date. It shouldn't be as strange as it feels because people in their forties get dates too, right?

Well, I guess my mom is only thirty-six, but it's close enough to forty that it works for me.

My mom has never had much luck with dating, mostly because she had me at seventeen. Most guys aren't really alright with dating a girl with a kid. But to my mom's credit, it never really depressed her. Or at least from what I could tell. As I get older, I realize that she must have been very lonely all these years. Her own family disowned her when she got pregnant, even though it was no fault of her own.

"Who is your date with?" I ask, sitting on her bed and watching her apply make up.

"It's not a date, Levi," she argues, "He's just a friend from work."

"You are going to dinner. Just the two of you. And you are dressing up," I point out, "It sounds like a date to me."

She turns around and grins at me and I can see how excited she is.

"Fine, it's a damn date," she says before she turns around again.

"Is it that guy you've kissed every New Year's and 'fell asleep' at his house once," I ask and I can see her get a bit pink in the reflection of the mirror.

"Maybe," she says and sighs, "I honestly didn't ever think he was going to ask me out. When we first met, he had just gone through a divorce."

She looks almost wistful and it's weird to see my mother so giddy over a date. Granted, she hasn't been on a date in a long time, so I suppose it is pretty exciting.

"Do I need to sit on the porch and wait with a shotgun," I deadpan and she bursts into laughter.

"You might," she tells me, "But I think it would be more effective if you had it when he comes to pick me up."

"Wait," I snap all my attention to her, "He's coming here?"

My mother nods before she applies the last of her mascara.

"Yeah. I thought it would be a good idea if you met each other," she responds, "I talk about you at work all the time, but he's only seen the picture I have on my desk."

I try to not let the fact that my mother talks about me at work a lot get under my skin.

"What time is he getting here," I ask and at that same moment, the doorbell rings.

My mom stands and gives herself a once over before she turns to me.

"How do I look?" she asks.

She's dressed in a simple black dress that goes down to her knees and she has her hair curled and thrown over to one shoulder. I realize now that I have an attractive mom, which is a fucking weird thing to realize about your mother, but I can now tell why Gunter and Erd had had a weird sort of crush on her. That and her baking was fucking delicious.

"Not bad," I say and she grins, knowing it is a compliment, "Let's meet this guy."

I let my mom walk downstairs first and stand on the stairs as she opens the door and greets the person with a hug.

"Hey, Laura," a male voice says before he steps into the house, my mom closing it behind him.

He's tall. Not as tall as Erwin, but still tall. And he's actually well built. And I guess he is handsome too. He's clean shaven and his hair isn't that bad. It's being touched with gray, but other than that, it's black. He's like a mixture of Tom Cruise and Mark Wahlberg. One of those guys that only mom's would find hot.

"Levi, come down and greet Terry," she says to me and I come down the stairs, appraising the guy the entire time. I never expected to feel this protective of my mother.

I take his extended hand, grip it a little too firmly and repress a smirk when I see his eye twitch as I shake it.

"So you're Levi," he says and I actually succeed in not shooting back a sarcastic comment like 'So you're the guy who wants to bang my mom'.

"Yeah," I respond, releasing his hand.

"Your mom talks a lot about you," he smiles, "She's very proud of you. If everything she says is true, I can see why."

And damn it, he genuinely means it. I'm trying to find a good reason to dislike this guy, but he isn't all that terrible. Maybe trying a bit too hard with all the cologne I can smell coming from him, but he isn't bad.

"It probably isn't all true," I say and my mom smacks my arm, "Mom likes to exaggerate when it comes to me sometimes."

"Levi Ackerman, you stop that," my mom commands with no real venom and I look to see her repressing a smile and I roll my eyes.

Terry chuckles and we both look at him.

"When you rolled your eyes like that," he explains, "You look like your mother."

As opposed to hating it when people said I look like my mother, I find it a comfort. I would be more worried if I looked like my father.

I decide that this Terry guy is alright.

"I guess I won't need the shotgun," I say and the guy's eyes get wide at my serious tone while my mom snorts.

"I didn't think you would," she tells me just as straight faced as me, "But don't worry, I have pepper spray and my handgun if I need them."

Terry's eyes were wide, trying to decide if we were joking or not. We half were. My mom did have pepper spray and a small taser, but she didn't go anything without those. Part of her trauma, despite it being twenty years ago.

"Good, you are well prepared then," I say and she nods, putting on her shoes and grabbing a light shawl that goes with her dress as well her purse.

She threads her arm through Terry's and smiles at me.

"I'll see you later, sweetheart," she says and Terry inclines his head towards me as he opens the door.

"Be home before midnight," I tease and my mom sticks her tongue out at me. Mature, mom, real mature.

Once I watch them get in the car, Terry being a fucking gentleman and holding the door open for her and closing it before going around to his side, they leave and I'm left alone for the evening.

As usual, my social circle has lessened considerably since all of my friends went to college, but after texting Erwin and Hanji back and forth for a while, I decide to get online.

I see that Eren is online on Skype, and after a moment of deliberation, I click the call button.

I'm nervous, but I don't know why. Maybe it's because I know that Eren could easily ignore me and I already feel like I'm walking on eggshells with him already.

He does answer, however, and I suppress a sigh of relief.

His face shows up on the screen and I can tell he had just plugged his headphones into the computer. From what I know of Eren, he is probably listening to music at the same time, but he can also hear me talk.

"Hey, Bright Eyes," I greet, smiling slightly.

Instead of signing back, he types.

**Eren Jaeger:** _hey levi _

**Eren Jaeger: **_it's been a while since we've done this _

And it has. We haven't Skyped since the night before he was taken.

"Yeah," I respond, "I kind of miss it. We should do it more often."

**Eren Jaeger:** _just so you can take more creeper screenshots of me. Pervert _

I laugh and he smiles slightly.

"Maybe," I say, taking a subtle screenshot of him smiling before it disappears, "You will never find out if I do or not."

**Eren Jaeger:** _levi, I know you just did _

I curse at his attentiveness, but he smiles again. This time, I refrain from taking a screenshot again.

**Eren Jaeger:** _so, what's up? _

I look at him and I see that he is in his bed, laying on his stomach. The scene is so familiar and so comfortable, that I can almost pretend that nothing's changed.

"My mom just went on a date," I say and he looks surprised and he frantically types a reply.

**Eren Jaeger:** _a date? whaaat? just now? with who? and you are okay with it? is it weird that she is going out on a date? _

"With some guy from work named Terry," I answer him, "But what the fuck kind of a name is Terry anyway? Isn't Terry short for Terence? Isn't that the fairy from the Tinkerbell movies?"

**Eren Jaeger:** _first off, yes it is short for terence. Secondly, im a little concerned on how you know the fairy's name... _

"Shut the fuck up, Jaeger," I spit at him and he grins.

**Eren Jaeger:** _but seriously, are you okay with it? _

I think for a moment before I nod.

"I mean, it's not really my choice in the end," I tell him, "But my mom seems happy and she's not the sort of person that would get duped again by a guy."

Eren nods for a moment before he types something else.

**Eren Jaeger:** _have you ever wanted to see your dad? _

Eren is one of the few people that knows about my dad. The only other two are Hanji and Erwin. I don't tell anybody else, especially since it's not really my story to tell.

"I probably shouldn't," I say quietly, "I know what he did and it was a fucking shitty thing to do, but...I think there is something about not having a dad that makes me feel kind of excluded. Don't get me wrong, my mom is fucking great, but I think I'm more in love with the idea of having a dad around than having _my _dad around."

**Eren Jaeger:** _that makes sense. If it helps, i'm sure ternce the fairy would love to be your new dad. _

"Fuck you, Jaeger," I groan.

**Eren Jaeger: **_i bet that your new dad is going to pop a boner for you mom _

"I hate you," I say and he lets out his soundless laugh, "Laugh away, but I know that you won't laugh when I tell you that Mikasa has probably sucked Jean's dick."

In an instant, his smiling face morphs into one of pure horror and disgust and I can't hold back the laugh.

I take a screenshot.


	17. 9-Past

It wasn't until about nine in the morning that Erwin actually answered his damn phone.

"Levi, what the hell is wrong?" I could hear concern in his voice, "Sorry, my phone died and I was busy with Mike. What happened?"

I could tell he was convinced that me calling was a matter of life and death, so I decided to ease his mind a bit.

"Gross. You were having sex with Fido weren't you?" I said and Erwin sighed.

"Levi, you've been calling me nonstop since five this morning when you were just at my house," he said longsufferingly, "What happened between then and now?"

I took a deep breath, launching into my story, covering what had happened with Eren and my horrible fuck up.

"...so then I pushed him back and fucking punched him in the face," I finished, "Shit, Erwin, I'm pretty sure I broke his nose..."

"You...punched him?"

"Yes," I hissed, irritated.

"Right after he kissed you," he verified and I affirmed what he had said.

There was a pause and I couldn't tell what he was thinking. It was much harder to tell when I couldn't see him.

"What happened afterward?" he asked.

"He just looked at me and I backed away from him and ran into my house," I said, putting my head in my hand, "I can't believe I punched him. Why would I fucking do that? Shit, he probably hates me now."

"Levi," Erwin said sternly and that was a tone I knew I had to pay attention to, "What did Eren do before you punched him?"

"I fucking told you, dipshit! He kissed me!" I exclaimed angrily.

"Right, and what were you talking about before he kissed you?" Erwin asked calmly.

I sighed. I had already told Erwin all this.

"We were talking about him telling me who he liked and-oh," my eyes widened in realization but Erwin continued.

"And usually when people kiss someone like that, it usually means that they like the person," he told me and I could nearly have beat my head against the wall, "Although, it's usually wise to at least see it the other person is okay with it, but I'm sure you got the message to him."

A lot of things were making fucking sense now. I had been so caught up in the fact that I had punched the guy I liked in the face that I hadn't even stopped to consider why he had kissed me in the first place.

Eren returned my feelings.

"You know Eren," Erwin said strongly, "And you know that it's not you he's hating right now."

I sighed and knew he was right. As far as Eren knew, I was straight as an arrow with no interest in guys at all and he had taken the chance to show me how he feels. And I had punched him and ran. He was probably hating himself, afraid that he had ruined a friendship and thinking that I was steaming angry at him.

"I have to go see him," I said, standing up and Erwin hummed his agreement, "I have to explain myself and apologize. I have to tell him."

"Good...now does this mean you are going to leave me alone for a few hours or...?"

"Shut the fuck up, Erwin," I spat, "Go have gay sex with Toto over there. I'll text you later."

I hung up the phone and pulled on my boots and coat again, not even caring that I was still in my pajamas. I left a note on the counter that I was going over to the Jaeger's house before I left, getting a cab since we only had one car and my mom would probably need it.

All too soon, I was standing in front of Eren's house with my hand raised to knock. Before I could, however, the door opened and I saw Mikasa glaring at me.

"What do you want?" she hissed and I knew she must have known something happened between me and her brother.

"I just want to talk to your brother," I said, trying not to grow angry that she wasn't letting me inside.

"What, the damage to his nose wasn't enough?" she asked sarcastically, "You here to punch his jaw out of socket too?"

"Listen, Mikasa, I-"

"Oh, Levi!" I heard Carla's voice and Mikasa begrudgingly stepped aside so her mother could greet me, "Come in! I didn't expect to see you here quite this soon. Happy New Year!"

"Happy New Year, Mrs. Jaeger," I said, stepping into the house, "Is Eren here?"

I could feel Mikasa glaring daggers at me but I paid her no attention.

Carla's smile lessened a bit but she nodded.

"He broke his nose last night but wouldn't tell us how," she said seriously, "His father set it for him before he had to go to work, but all Eren said was that he went for a walk last night. I hope he isn't getting into any fights-"

"I broke it," I interrupted her and both her and Mikasa looked shocked that I admitted it so freely.

"I broke it," I repeated, looking down, "He came over to my house last night, well, this morning I guess, and he was saying a bunch of shi-stuff that wasn't making any sense. Then he kissed me and I panicked and punched him. I came to apologize."

I wasn't sure where this honesty was coming from, but I had an inkling that I wanted to impress Mikasa. No, not impress. Maybe get her to approve of me.

"I..." I faltered, feeling my face warm up a bit, "I would also like to ask...if I could date your son. If he would still let me, that is."

My newfound courage was probably due to the fact that I knew Eren had feelings for me too. I figured it was better to get everything out in the open as opposed to trying to hide it. I had hidden long enough.

To my surprise, and Mikasa's horror, Carla started to laugh. It would never cease to amaze me just how much Eren looked like his mother.

"Um...Mom?" Mikasa said tentatively and she only shook her head.

"I suppose I should be upset with you injuring my son," she told me, "But the first time Grisha kissed me, I slapped him for much the same reason as you. Jaeger men don't seem to have common sense when it comes to this kind of thing. We aren't animals, you know."

She laughed a bit more before she sighed and looked at me. I didn't let the confusion of her lack of concern that I had broken her son's nose show on my face.

"I have no problem with you dating my son. Heaven knows he needs someone like you, I'm not too keen that you hurt my son to that extent, but I'm glad you admitted to hitting him. You have quite a bit of character," she smiled and I felt alleviated, "But...I didn't think you were gay, Levi."

"I'm not!" I said.

"He's not!" Mikasa argued at the same time I had spoken and we both glared at each other.

Carla looked a bit confused but didn't say anything about my denial.

"He should be up in his room," she said, "I think he was awake. He's been listening to Adele all morning."

"Thank you, Mrs. Jaeger," I said before I started up the stairs. I looked back and Mikasa had a horrendously dark aura around her and I'm sure that if Carla wasn't in the room, she wouldn't hesitate to try and murder me.

Just to be an asshole, I winked at her and I could tell she was practically vibrating in anger.

I went upstairs and heard music coming from Eren's room. Apparently, he had switched from Adele to Bruno Mars now.

I opened the door and saw sitting with his back towards the door on his laptop. I closed the door quietly and crossed over to the stereo. It was loud enough that he didn't hear me enter and from my position, I could see that he was on Skype, frantically typing a message to me.

I rolled my eyes and turned off the music just as Mr. Mars started to sing about how he would jump in front of a train. Eren was being quite the drama queen about this.

He stiffened, but didn't turn around.

"I already told you, Mikasa," he said tiredly and his nose sounded a bit plugged, "I don't want to talk about it anymore. I already told you what happened. Now please, leave me alone."

"Stop being so fucking melodramatic," I spat and he turned around in a split second, eyes wide.

I winced at the sight of his nose, bruised already and bandaged. I can't believe I did that to him.

He shut his laptop and stands, looking at me warily.

"Levi..." he said in the same fucking tone he did after I had punched him and I find that I can't stand that tone. It sounds too self-deprecating.

"Shut up," I snapped and he closed his mouth with a click of his teeth, "I came to apologize for your nose. Fuck, it looks like shit."

"Well...you have a killer left hook," Eren chuckled nervously, but I could tell he didn't feel the least bit happy, "But it's okay. I kinda deserved it."

"For what?" I prompted. I sure as hell wasn't making this easy for him.

"Well, I...I kissed you," he said, turning a bit red.

"Yeah, you kind of did," I said blankly, "You don't just go around kissing people with no warning. Fuck what the movies say, it's not really romantic at all."

We stood in silence before I asked quietly, "Eren, why did you kiss me?"

He struggled with this, shuffling his feet and clearing his throat to stall for time. But then, he looked at me with clear determination in his eyes.

"Because I like you, Levi," he said in a strong voice, and I felt my stupid heart react, "I like you a whole lot. I know you are straight and everything and it was really out of line for me to kiss you. I suppose I really am just the asshole that wants you to give me a chance. I can't-"

He cuts himself off and looks down.

I let a breath out through my nose. Now that I know that he likes me, I feel like I have some leverage.

"Tell me Eren," I said, taking a step closer to him, "What did you expect from me when you kissed me? And confessed to me?"

I took another step closer to Eren and he looked terrified. My blank face must have been more intimidating than I thought.

"I-well-I don't know!" he exclaimed, getting flustered as I steadily approached, "I know its unfair for me to say all this because I know you are straight and don't have any feelings for me but I couldn't sit on this any longer! I just had to let you know!"

I stopped in front of him and looked up at him and I swear he gulped. His nose looked even more horrible up close and I felt so incredibly guilty about it. He thought he deserved getting his nose broken by me and here I was, giving him a hard time after I had injured him.

I sighed and I reached up, ignoring the flinch from Eren, and cupped his cheek.

"You fucking dumbass," I said, smiling slightly, "You really rush into things without thinking about them first don't you?"

He seemed frozen in shock and I had to chuckle at his dumbfound expression.

"The next time you kiss me, at least give me some warning or something," I told him, looking up into those green orbs.

"Next...time?" he asked as if in a daze.

"Yeah, next time," I said, turning bit pink and dropping my hand from his face, "I like you too, Bright Eyes. And I'm really, really sorry about your nose. You just surprised me."

Eren blinked a few times before a wide smile spread across his face.

"You...like me?" he asked, growing excited, "Like, _like like_ or just regular like?"

"Holy shit, are we ten-year-old girls now?" I rolled my eyes, "I like you as in I want to hold your stupid hand and go out and fucking dates and kiss and shit like that.

Eren's smile widened and I could see that I had just been played. If I hadn't already, I might have punched him.

"Levi?" he said, still grinning and I look up at him, inching his face closer to mine.

"What?" I snapped, but it didn't have the necessary amount of venom.

"I'm sorry for kissing you," he said, "I promise I'll ask and make sure you are okay with it from now on."

And damn it all if that didn't make my heart soar. What the fuck were with all these mushy feelings?

"Can I kiss you now?" he asked and I had to fight the tiny blush that was wanting to appear on my face.

"You will just hurt your nose, idiot," I said, turning my face away, and suddenly, I regret getting this close to him.

"No, I won't!" he argued, "I'll be careful! I just want to kiss my new..boyfriend."

I could tell he was testing the waters. I felt a pleasant feeling in my stomach at being called his boyfriend, as stupid as it was.

"Getting ahead of yourself, aren't you?" I said, angling my face upward.

Eren smiled even wider but leaned down, knowing that I wasn't going to fight him that hard with the kiss.

"I don't see you complaining," he said before he pressed his lips to mine.

This time, I could fully process what was happening and could enjoy it as well. He put his hands on my waist and I reached up and placed mine on his chest. His lips were warm, even if they were somewhat chapped from the cold weather, but kissing Eren...felt right. It felt so much better than what I had imagined it would be and I could feel my heart picking up double time.

There weren't sparkles are any great epiphanies I have while I kiss him. It was a bit awkward, but, it was comfortable at the same time. We didn't kiss like sloppy, horny teenagers. We kissed like we had known each other for years and like we knew we would have all the time in the world to kiss passionately later, but there was the air of us still trying to figure out how to kiss each other. It was a transition from being friends to being something more, and even though we both wanted it, it would take some getting used to.

I nipped at his bottom lip, wanting to deepen the kiss, but then our noses brushed and he pulled back, hissing in pain.

"I told you," I said, a bit smugly and he glared at me.

My expression softened and I took his face in my hands to look at his nose.

"How long will it take to heal?" I asked guiltily.

"My dad said about two weeks," he said, "I've always healed a bit quicker than normal. My dad says it has something to do with my white blood cell count or something like that, but yeah. Two weeks."

I turned his face from side to side, inspecting the damage.

"Levi, I'll be fine," he reassured, sounding a bit irritated, "You are just as bad as Mikasa."

"I'm sure she wanted to kill me when I showed up," I said, still examining his nose, "I think she would have tried if your mom hadn't been here."

Eren laughed at that and shook his head.

"She probably thinks you've come to finish me off," he joked and I could see the possibility running through her mind.

Suddenly, I yawned and it occurred to me that I hadn't slept in over twenty four hours. I had been so worried about Eren, that I hadn't even considered going to bed.

"I have to get home, Jaeger," I said, stepping away from him, "I didn't get any sleep. I was a bit...preoccupied."

"Wait!" he nearly shouts and my eyes widen in surprise for a moment, "I mean...wait. I didn't sleep either. I was too worried that you were going to ignore me again after I fucked up."

He takes my hand and I don't pull away, but I do raise my eyebrows.

"I think we established that me ignoring doesn't do either of us any favors," I said, thinking back to the Fall.

He nods but then looks down at the hand that he is holding with a look of concentration.

"You could-I mean-if you want to, you could sleep here. With me," he suggested, "Nothing more than that! I promise! But...I don't want you to leave yet."

Fuck him and his ability to make me do anything with just a few words. No, it was more than the words. It was the look in his eyes and the way I could read his body language.

That, and I didn't really want to leave either. Being with him sounded nice, especially after all these months of fucking pining after him.

"Fine," I said, giving a lot less of a fight than I suspected he thought I would, going by the look off his face.

His bed is big enough for the two of us, and after a moment of awkward maneuvering, we were both under the covers, with my head on his chest as opposed to the other way around so he wouldn't hurt his nose again.

Eren, however, was as stiff as a board.

"Oi, what's wrong? You have a hard on already?" I asked, looking up at him and he started blushing.

"I just never thought you would ever be in my bed," he said, "Are you sure you aren't fucking with me right now?"

I figured I should be angry, but I could understand his disbelief. Up until today, he was convinced I was straight as an arrow, but now, here I was, cuddling him. This may have seemed sudden for him, but it certainly wasn't for me.

I reached for his arms and wrapped them around me.

"Just sleep, Eren," I said, "I'm fucking tired and you're really warm."

I felt him chuckle, but I was more focused on the fast heartbeat that matched the pace of mine. That was what I fell asleep to on the first day of the new year, and I smiled. My resolution had already been fulfilled already. I was on a roll.


	18. 9-Present

Mom actually goes on quite a few dates with Terry the fairy and I realize that he might be around for awhile. Especially when she slips up and calls him her boyfriend. That's a weird fucking feeling right there.

But she is happy, and that is enough for me.

I talk to Eren on Skype a lot more since our first video call, but I can' help but shake the feeling that something is wrong. He seems to be getting better, smiling more, but I can't help but feel that some of it is forced. I ask him if he is alright continually and he insists he is fine, but I know he can tell that I don't believe him, but I never press too much. I know he will tell me when he is ready, but I always make sure to tell him I am here for him whenever he needs me.

* * *

Working at Recon Electronics, I always come across terrible customers. Usually, we have relatively peaceful customers, but sometimes, there are those who are unruly and disrupt the flow of everyone.

Today, it's just me, Isabel, and Pixis working. It's still a small business, so we can get away with having only a few people in the store. After all, there are only four employees under Pixis. When I first started, I thought scheduling was going to be a bitch, but Pixis is a fair boss when it comes to that.

I'm sitting at my desk working on a stereo that's a few years old. It's going to need some new parts, cheap ones, but I know its probably better to call the owner and ask. It's a rule of thumb here that we always ask in case they want to just buy a new electronic instead of paying for new parts. Even if the latter is cheaper.

I'm about to reach for the phone when Isabel pops her head into my cubicle and looks apologetic.

"Levi?" she asks and I look at her, raising an eyebrow.

"There is a man that wants to talk to the manager," she says, "But Nile doesn't work today and Pixis just took his lunch..."

I can't say this is the first time this has happened. Farlan and Isabel have been here longer than me, if only by a couple months, but they sometimes still use me as a way of mediating angry customers.

"Alright, tell him that I will be there in a moment," I say, organizing my tools so it's not messy when I return to my desk.

She nods and rushes off and I sigh, prepping myself. I know that can't curse out a customer, no matter how much I want to.

I stand and make my way to the front where there is a beefy man with greasy black hair pacing in front of the counter and Isabel is fidgeting and looking at a PC.

"Hello, sir," I greet coolly, "What seems to be the problem?"

"The problem is that this _bitch_ refuses to give me my money back for this piece of shit computer," he spits.

Isabel snaps her head up and looks as if she is about to start a one on one with this guy but I put my hand on her shoulder and narrow my eyes at the man.

"I understand that you are angry," I say with as much politeness I can muster, "But if you insult the employees again, I _will_ ask you to leave, sir. Now, you want to return this?"

He looks as if he is about to explode but then sighs angrily before he nods. I look over the computer but I can't help feeling that something is off by what the man is saying. He didn't even bring the box it came in or the cords with it.

Regardless, I continue, asking the standard question.

"Alright, do you have your receipt?"

"No, I don't," he responds and this sends warning bells off in my head.

I look over at Isabel.

"Did you open it up?" I ask and she nods, "And?"

To my second question, she shakes her head and I have my answer. This man didn't buy the computer from us.

In every electronic we sell, we have a stamp of wings inside them. Even if it's just a part, wings get put on them as an extra proof of purchase just in case someone _did_ lose their receipt. If Isabel opened up the computer and didn't see any wings, then it wasn't bought from here, nor were any of the parts.

But if he says that he bought it here, we can't argue, but we also can't give him what he wants. We have to find a new way to reason with him.

"I offered that we could fix it at a discount price, but without a receipt-" Isabel started.

"I don't want it fucking repaired, I want to fucking return it and get my money back!" he roared and I appraised him.

"As my associate already told you, we can't refund you without a receipt. It's our policy," I say, voice hardening, "All we can do is repair it for you."

"Fuck you, asshole!" he screams. He is way too angry over something like this. He is an unpredictable customer and they can be very dangerous sometimes.

"Izzy, go to you desk and go back to work," I say, leaving no room for argument. She looks hesitant, but then disappears to the back.

"This would have never happened at Best Buy," he spits and now I'm angry.

Fucking Best Buy.

"You are right," I say with a deadly voice, "This wouldn't have happened at Best Buy. What would have happened at Best Buy is that you would have taken the computer there to return it but since it was more than fifteen days since you purchased it, they wouldn't let you, so you would take it to a local place and try to convince them that you bought it there. They would pretend not to notice and offer to fix it at a discount price, but you would still be pissed off that you weren't getting your money back. This wouldn't have happened at Best Buy because if you behaved like this, you would have been escorted out by security for posing a threat to employees."

The whole time I speak, he is getting increasingly redder in the face until he slams his fist down on the counter and then reaches for my collar. I step back just in time, fighting my instinct of breaking his wrist. I did _not_ want to end up in jail for assault today, even if he started it.

I step forward and take the laptop and shove it into his arms.

"Leave, now," I command, "Before I call the cops for you disturbing the peace."

He glares at me, and for a second, I'm sure that he is going to try to attack me, but then he turns and stomps out of the store, slamming the door behind him. The windows rattle at the force, but they are strong enough not to break.

A second passes and I hear Isabel sigh and I turn to see her coming around the corner, phone in hand.

"I was going to call the police if things got out of hand," she explains as she pockets the phone and I'm glad I can count on her to read my silent signals.

I let a breath out through my nose before I shrug.

"Thanks, Izzy," I say, "I have to get back to the stereo. If that guy comes back, call the cops right away."

"Roger that, Captain!" she salutes and I roll my eyes.

The rest of the day passes with no more excitement. Pixis gets back from lunch and we explain the fiasco we had and he said that he would keep an eye out for the man and pass the word onto Nile.

It's nearing the end of my shift when Pixis lets me know I have a house call.

"Mrs. Brown?" I ask.

"Well, it was a man, but he said that you were needed at Mrs. Brown's residence," Pixis says, but there is something off about his voice.

"A man?" I ask, "Pixis, what the hell are you talking about?"

He places a hand on my shoulder and sighs.

"Just make the house call, Levi," he says, "Don't worry about coming back to clock out either. You're done for the day and I'm giving you a couple days off."

Something was sinking in my gut, but he walked away before I could even begin to question what was going on.

As he told me not to worry about coming back, I took my own car and drive to Mrs. Brown's place, a feeling of dread following me the entire way there.

I park my car in the driveway as usual, but I notice there is another car parked at the curb in front of the house.

I knock on the door hesitantly, and instead of Mrs. Brown answering the door, it's a tall man man with blonde hair and a long face.

"Levi Ackerman, I presume?" he says and I am immediately suspicious, "I'm Ian Dietrich, Margret's attorney

"Where is Mrs. Brown?" I ask, not in the mood for formalities. Was it normal to feel sick to my stomach like this? The last time I had felt like this was when Eren had disappeared.

"I'm sorry," he says, "Why don't you come in?"

"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me why it was you who called me and not her," I spit at him.

He sighs and reaches into his jacket and pulls out an envelope and hands it to me. It has my name on it it and it's sealed.

I know what's happening but my mind tries to reject it. This isn't happening.

However, the man speaks and his words leave no room for denial.

"Mr. Ackerman," he says, "I'm very sorry to tell you like this, but Mrs. Brown was rushed to the hospital last night after a severe heart attack. She passed away just before midnight."


	19. 10-Past

I found out that Eren wasn't a huge fan of public displays of affection.

At first, I thought it was because he was just being secretive, but when we went back to school, all of his friends knew about us and my friends didn't have a hard time figuring it out. Whenever I went to hold his hand, it always seemed as if the limb slipped out of my fingers before I could get a firm hold. Whenever we were hanging out with just our friends, I would sit beside him, sometimes even put my arm around him, but he never made a movement to return affection.

"Why the fuck don't you ever touch me?" I asked eventually one night as we were sitting on the floor of his room doing our homework.

"Huh?" he asked, looking up at me, eyes still not focused completely on what I was saying.

"You never touch me," I said, "Our friends know about us and it's not like they are going to judge us. You never seem to want to hold my hand. You never...I don't know, Eren. You just always shy away from us touching."

He bit his lip and looked down at his homework.

"I don't-well-I didn't think you liked PDA," he admitted quietly, "I didn't think it would be something...something that you wanted to do. I didn't know you cared."

I sighed and reached for his hand. I grasped it and intertwined our fingers and he gave them a squeeze.

"Eren, you're my boyfriend," I said, "I want to be close to you. I _do_ care. I like it when we hold hands like this or kiss or wrap our arms around each other."

Eren looked up at me and smiled but still looked like he wanted to say something.

"What is it?" I pressed and he looked down at his homework again and shook his head.

"No, tell me," I insisted and he heaved a deep sigh.

"I don't like it," he said after a moment of deliberation, "I don't like people seeing us...do couple-y stuff. It's...private."

I stared at him and he looked up at me as if he was afraid I was angry.

I wasn't. Eren had never been in a formal relationship. True, he was fucking Erwin for a while, which I adamantly tried to ignore, and he did go out with Marco a few times, but I had never seen him be overly affectionate to either one of them. In fact, when Eren and Erwin had their fuck buddy system going on, it was always Erwin would sling his arm around Eren or show any form of affection. It had never occurred to me that Eren would be uncomfortable with it.

"Well, shit, Bright Eyes," I said, "Why didn't you tell me? I've been fucking worrying about it for weeks now."

He doesn't seem to know what to say at first but then clears his throat.

"I thought that you wouldn't like me...if I, well, if I didn't like what you like," he told me and I rolled my eyes.

"For fuck's sake, Eren," I groaned, "We aren't always going to like the same thing. Shit, you like ketchup on your cheesecake, you fucking weird alien mutant. Doesn't mean I'm going to stop liking you for that. Just don't kiss me after you eat it and we'll be fine. Eren, you don't have to hide what you don't like from me, because I sure as hell won't hide what I don't like from you."

He actually seemed relieved that I reacted so calmly and smiled. He released my hand and sat up on his knees before he leaned over so our faces are inches apart.

"It's a deal," he told me before he kissed me.

Needless to say, we didn't get very much homework done after that.

Even after that conversation, however, I found myself wanting to touch him all the time and wanting him to touch me. I didn't usually think of myself as a particularly physical person in that aspect, but I was drawn to Eren and it took all the self restraint in me to keep the PDA to a minimum. It was definitely worth it when we were alone.

Still, there were times that Eren would let his hand linger on the small of my back when we were talking with our friends. He would let me put my arm around him when were all sitting and watching TV and would lean his head against my shoulder. These were little things, but I didn't realize how much they meant to me until they happened.

The only person who didn't know about my relationship with Eren was my mother.

If I was honest with myself, it was because I was nervous. My mom had been raised in a strict Catholic family and even though they had basically disowned her, so I knew she had been raised to think that being gay was some horrible sin. Then again, my mom hadn't ever said anything against gay people and even knew my best friend was gay and she treated him like any other person.

It still put me on edge that I would have to tell her.

"I want to tell my mom about us," I said near the end of January as we were sitting on my couch, watching How I Met Your Mother. Eren seemed to understand.

He had been relatively patient about the entire thing. His parents already knew he was gay, but he had told me it had taken him months to get the courage to tell them, and even after, his dad had a hard time accepting it fully. Grisha was alright with it now, but apparently, it had taken him a while.

"Alright," he responded, "When? Oh! We can do it Valentine's day! It would be all cheesy and romantic-"

"No," I shook my head, "Now. While I have the balls."

Eren seemed surprised but nodded.

I stood and took his hand and led the way to my mom's study.

My mom's study was always messy as she spent most of her time in there, working on extra things that were work related. I cringed anytime I went in there, but my mom refused to let me clean it. It was the one room that was off limits to my cleaning tendencies.

I knocked on the door tentatively and when I heard my mom tell us to come in, I let go of Eren's hand and pushed the door open.

"Oh, Eren!" she said jovially, spinning her chair around to face us, "I was about to start dinner. You staying?"

"Um..." he seemed unsure of what to say and looked over at me.

"Mom," I said, "I have something to tell you."

She furrowed her eyebrows and focused her attention on me. I figured I might as well spit it out before I made some dumb excuse and slunk back to the living room.

"Eren is my boyfriend," I said calmly, marveling at how confident I said it.

My mom blinked and looked at Eren and then back to me. I found that I was holding my breath and could tell Eren was a bit tense.

"...Alright," she said slowly, "That doesn't really answer whether or not he's staying for dinner, though."

This time, it was my turn to stare at her.

"Mom..." I took Eren's hand in mine as if I was furthering my proof, "I'm dating a guy."

She looked confused as she nodded.

"Yeah...I got that," she told me, "What does that have to do with dinner?"

I heard Eren snort quietly but I shook my head.

"Nothing, Mom! I'm telling you I'm dating Eren! He's my boyfriend!"

"I already knew that! Why are you telling me again?" she looked exasperated and my mind went blank.

"What?" I asked and she rolled her eyes.

"I've known you guys have been dating," she said, "You aren't exactly secretive about it. Did you think I didn't notice?"

I felt like I was having an out of body experience.

"How long have you known?" I asked hollowly.

"Hmm..." she thought, "Since at least November."

Eren and I stared at her.

"Um...Ma'am," Eren started, "We haven't been dating since November. We just got together on New Year's."

There was a confused silence where we all took a moment to soak in what had just happened. So my mom already knew I was with Eren, but she had thought we had started dating months ago. And she was okay with it.

Both Eren and my mom burst into laughter at the same time and I sighed. What a fucking mess of a happy misunderstanding.

"You are both idiots," I muttered and my mother shook her head.

"You're the idiot for thinking that your own mother wouldn't notice that you are gay," she said.

"I'm not gay!" I nearly shouted and she looked at me with wide eyes before she looked over at Eren.

He shrugged.

"He's not gay," he affirmed, knowing that I denied anytime someone brought it up.

My mom raised her eyebrow at me with a look that let me know I was full of shit before she stood up.

"Okay, sure," she said, "I'm going to start dinner and I'm assuming your staying, right Eren?"

Eren nodded and she left the room.

I soaked in my own quiet thoughts for a couple minutes, thinking of how mom had just been totally okay with whatever was going on and had known about us even before we did. It was surreal. Had we really been _that_ obvious?

"Levi," Eren said quietly, breaking me out of my thoughts, and I turned to look at him, "Why do you keep saying you aren't gay?"

I could see the look in his eyes and read it. He was wondering if my denial of my homosexuality was true and that he was just an experiment for me. I decided to assuage his doubts.

"Because I'm not, Eren," I said, folding my arms and looking up at him, stern expression on my face, "I don't even think I qualify as bisexual. I don't know, I'm attracted to you. Just you. No other guy...I'm not attracted to them and I couldn't see myself doing it with anybody else."

Eren turned a little pink at the mention of sex but then he got a mischievous look on his face.

"Did you watch gay porn, Levi," he asked in a sing-song voice.

"No."

"You did, didn't you?"

"No, I fucking did not."

"It's okay to admit it," Eren grinned, "Did you like what you saw?"

I stared hard at him, knowing that when I did so, it made him slightly uncomfortable. Once he started to fidget, I answered.

"No," I answered, "Like I said, no other guy."

I reached for his collar and jerked him down, my mouth right at his ear.

"But I wouldn't mind doing some of the things I saw with you, Bright Eyes," I whispered into his ear before I nipped at it.

I let go and walked passed him, seeing his face turn bright red out of the corner of my eye. It was lucky my own face was turned away from him because I was pretty sure I had a dusting of red on my own face as I internally panicked at what I had just said.


	20. 10-Present

I hate funerals. You gather around a dead person and listen to a preacher talk about how death is just a step or something while people cry, other people pretend to cry, and others are trying _not_ to cry. Or you have some fuckers that are just there for the formalities.

Mrs. Brown's funeral is no different. There aren't very many people here. She told me once that most of her friends and family died a while ago, so I suppose it's to be expected.

But still, there are people from her knitting club and some other's from church that she knew along with scattered family members.

I asked Eren to come, even though I wasn't sure if he wanted to come to a funeral, but luckily he agrees. It's comforting to have him here. He knows that I am upset, even if I don't show it. I had grown more attached to the old bag than I had thought I did. The whole time, Eren holds my hand and squeezes it in reassurance.

At some point, a middle aged man sitting behind us leans forward and hisses at us, "It's disrespectful to have earphones in during a funeral. What is your problem?"

I turn and take off my glasses to freeze him with a glare.

"Mind your own damn business," I spit at him.

Eren, fortunately didn't hear what the man said due to the man's volume being too low and Eren's earphones being a bit louder. He looks at me questioningly and I shake my head as I turn back around and put my glasses back on, a signal that it's nothing.

The funeral ends and what family Mrs. Brown has left goes to put her in the ground. I decide that I can visit her grave later.

Her family give me cold glares I don't understand as they file out of the church. I don't know what the fuck their problem, but I decide to write it off as grief, even though they don't look the least bit upset. It's fucked up that someone like Mrs. Brown had relatives like them who were probably just here for their inheritance.

"_You really liked her, didn't you?_" Eren asks me with grave eyes.

"I guess," I say noncommittally, but Eren sees right through me.

"_It's okay to be sad about this, Lev_i_,_" he tells me and I wince, remembering that Mrs. Brown had told me the same thing just after Eren came home from the hospital. Why did that feel like forever ago?

I decide to skip the reception and go home with Eren. We both change out of our tuxes as soon as we can and head down to the kitchen to get something to eat.

My mom walks in and gives me a hug as soon as she sees me.

"How was the funeral?" she asks us.

"Wonderful. We sang, we danced, we drank," I say sarcastically and instead of smacking me on the back of the head like she usually does, she just gives me this look like she knows what I'm trying to do and turns to Eren and kisses his cheek.

"It's good to see you Eren," she says.

"_Nice to see you too. You're brownies are still as wonderful as they used to be,_" he says and my mom looks over at me.

She doesn't know sign language as well as I do, so she relies on me to translate. She's actually nice enough to learn though, and I appreciate that about my mom.

"He said it was nice to see you too and that your brownies are shit," I say and Eren glares at me, but my mom laughs, knowing that I was lying.

"Terry and I are going out for dinner tonight," she says, "You two want to come along?"

I shake my head, immediately dismissing her offer immediately.

"Nah, I think we'll stay here," I say before looking over at Eren, "You alright with that?"

He nods, looking relieved that we aren't going to be hanging out with my mom and her boyfriend tonight.

She tsks, but nods and bustles out of the kitchen, telling Eren to make himself at home.

"You shouldn't eat the brownies," I say and he shrugs, "They have milk in them and you are lactose intolerant."

Eren just flips me off and that's a sign that I've known since elementary school.

"Fine, but don't come crying to me when you have trouble shitting later," I say, raiding the fridge for food.

I hear him take in a breath and look over at him and he has turned a shade lighter.

"Hey...you okay?" I ask, standing up straight. He honestly looks like he's either going to start crying or throw up and I don't know what to do or what even made him react that way.

"Hey, I was just kidding," I say, reaching out to him but he flinches away and I drop my hand, trying not to let the hurt show on my face, "You can cry to me if you have trouble shitting. If you're still here, I can even hold your hand and give you some laxatives to make it easier for you."

He stays in his stupor before he smiles impishly at me.  
"_I'm fine_," he says, "_You're right about the brownies, though. That was the last one._"

There is something else but I don't press. He will tell me when he is ready.

Just like Skyping, it has been a while that we have just hung out, but it feels nice. We get a shit ton of food and find our places on the couch, putting in a Harry Potter movie before we start eating.

We keep a distance. Or at least I do, knowing that Eren is still trying to adjust. I do sit shoulder to shoulder with him, though. Maybe it's me being selfish, but I want to touch him and be close to him. He doesn't stop me, but he doesn't lean into me either. It's a bittersweet kind of feeling. If everything had stayed the same

"_Was there a funeral for me_?" he asks suddenly and I don't hide my shock.

"Eren...what?"

I can understand why he is asking but the question still catches me off guard. He watches me as I collect myself.

"No," I answer, "There wasn't a funeral for anybody. Not until you were all...found."

He looks down, thinking deeply. I watch him and I notice that he looks so...small and broken. Not for the last time do I wish that I could shoulder all the pain he is feeling. He hasn't told anybody what has happened. If there are any blessings in the world, his mind blanked it all out, but I doubt that's the case.

He looks up at me and gives me a smile that's too stretched and pained to be genuine.

"_I'm alright_," he says and returns his attention to the television.

But no, he's really not and I wish he could admit it to me.

Over the course of the afternoon, Hanji and Erwin text me to make sure I'm alright.

**Peanut Butter Dick: **_I'm glad Eren's with you at least. Are you sure you are doing alright? _

Yes, I'm fine.

**Shit Specs:** _Wish I could have come home to go with you. I'll be back soon though so you will have a wise feminine aura to surround yourself again _.

The fact that Hanji was calling herself wise and feminine was laughable, but it is nice to know that they both care. I don't see them as much as I wish I could.

After a while, I tell them both I was going to watch the movie and put my phone off to the side, but not even five minutes later, my phone rings.

It's a number I don't recognize and I answer, not sure what to expect.

"Yeah?" I say and Eren looks over, noticing that I'm on the phone and pauses the movie.

"Hello, is this Levi Ackerman?"

"Yeah, it is. Who's asking?" I ask, wary.

"Ah, this is Ian Dietrech," the man on the other end says, "We met a couple of days ago, but we didn't get the chance to talk very long."

That was my fault. I _might_ have taken the letter and walked back to my car and drove away before the guy could get two words out.

"I tried to catch you at the funeral, but you had left before I could reach you," he explains, "I wanted to talk to you about the inheritance that was left to you. There is still some legalities that we have to go through-"

"Wait," I interrupt, "Inheritance? What the hell are you talking about?"

There was a silence on the other end before the Ian guy spoke again.

"I'm assuming you didn't read the letter that Mrs. Brown left you, then," he says.

"No, I didn't," I say emptily.

"Well, I suggest you read that first and then call me back as soon as possible," he tells me, "I would love to get this sorted out as soon as possible. I will give you my number."

"No need, I have it on my cell phone now," I say and then hang up, standing quickly, rushing to my room. I hear Eren fumbling after me and I know that he has a million questions, but so do I and they can only be answered by the letter on my desk.

I burst into my room and grab the letter, ripping it open unceremoniously and I see that Mrs. Brown's clean handwriting.

I adjust my glasses and start reading.

_Levi,_

_I know you are a blunt person that prefers things straight to the point, so I won't waste time._

_I've already talked to my lawyer and I leave everything to you._

_You have been the second son that I could never have. All the other family members I have probably will only show up to my funeral in hopes of getting an inheritance, but I know that you genuinely cared for an old woman like me. I wish you and Eren the best of luck. _

_Before I tell you what your inheritance is, I want you to promise me three things:_

_1) Take that boyfriend of yours to Belize. Heaven knows he deserves to see the ocean after all he's been through._

_2) Get yourself a dog or a cat. Something. I don't want you becoming lonely._

_3) Don't you dare let Eren get away from you. Next time I see you, it better be with you holding hands with him._

_That's all I really have to say to you, Levi-dear. Take good care of everything and lead a good life. I don't think you are as lost as you believe yourself to be. _

_What I leave you is this: my house and it's property, my car that hasn't been used in nearly two years (it might need to be looked at), and my entire savings which values at almost 12.6 million. _

_How do you like that? I bet you didn't know this old crone was rich!_

_And I know you are already thinking of rejecting your inheritance, but I would strongly suggest that you don't. None of my relatives will take care of everything as well as you would and you won't use the money for frivolous things._

_You've got a bright future ahead of you, Levi. I hope that you make the most of it._

_From, Margret Brown_

I set the letter down and try to comprehend what just happened.

"Holy fuck," I say breathlessly, sinking to the floor. Eren is fluttering around me helplessly, but I can't focus on him.

"Holy fucking shit!" I yell and he flinches and I can't get the words to explain what is happening to me right now.

Twelve, almost thirteen, million fucking dollars. And a fucking house. The old bat had made sure that I would be set for life and then some. She knew that I was stingy when it came to money and she had _fucking given me twelve million dollars _. Who the fuck does that? How the fuck did she even get that much money?

My mom, attracted by my shout, bursts into my room, make-up half done. Eren is scanning over the letter and I can't seem to focus.

"Levi?" she says worriedly and she comes to me quickly and crouches, "Levi, what's the matter? What's wrong?"

Eren looks up from the letter with wide eyes, watching me closely.

"I'm...I'm a fucking millionaire."


	21. 11-Past

Valentine's day rolled around and I got Eren the standard chocolate and flowers. Eren had actually suggested that we just hang out at his place after school and I was relieved. I was glad that I didn't have to spend an entire night dressed up at a restaurant. I had a feeling that would be awkward for the both of us, despite the fact that we were dating.

"Well, Levi," Hanji laughed, "I had been expecting something a little more..._original_ from you."

"At least I have someone to spend Valentine's day with, four-eyes," I spat at her.

She put a hand over her heart and feigned hurt.

"I can't believe you would say that to me, Levi," she fake sobbed, "I thought we were friends!"

"No, you were just some weird girl who ate her own crayons and then asked to borrow mine," I said, making sure that all the flowers were in pristine condition.

"I seem to recall you being _very_ interested in the colors of my shits after that, though," Hanji pointed out and I gave her an annoyed glare.

"Can you leave?" I asked her and she huffed.

"Fine, fine," she said longsufferingly, "Erwin is going to be having fun with _his _boyfriend. You are going to be having fun with _your _boyfriend. It's weird that I'm the only one of the three of us who won't be getting laid on Valentine's day, but thems the breaks."

With a final goodbye, she left my house.

What she said worried me a little. Eren and I hadn't slept together as of yet. It wasn't like I didn't want to, but having sex with a guy was vastly different than having sex with a girl. Or at least I thought so. And for once, Eren was more experienced in this aspect than I was, and it intimidated me a little, even though I would never tell him that.

"I'm going out, Mom!" I shouted and I heard the door to her study open.

"Alright! Have fun! Don't do anything I wouldn't do!" she replied and I rolled my eyes, knowing that there were quite a few things my mother _would_ do that I would never consider doing. Ever.

I took the car and drove to Eren's place. When I got there, I was surprised that there were no other cars in his driveway. Mikasa had just had her sixteenth birthday and had passed her driver's test with flying colors two days afterward. She had been saving up for a car for a while, Eren told me, and she had managed to buy herself a car. New to her, but it sure was fucking old. It still had a cassette player in it.

Usually, both her car and her parent's cars were there, but nobody's was in the driveway.

I knocked on the door and seconds later, Eren was opening it with a wide grin.

"Levi! Hey!" he said excitedly.

"You're already acting like it's been months since we've seen each other," I say blandly, "We just saw each other at school."

"Yeah, but now we aren't at school and I can actually do this," he said before he bent down and placed a chaste kiss on my lips.

He pulled away and turned around, beckoning me inside the house. Good thing too, because that kiss, however innocent it may have been, just took the breath out of me.

I recuperated quickly and stepped inside the house. I took my shoes off and waited until Eren turned around to give him his roses and chocolates.

"Thanks!" he said a little shyly, "These...these are really nice Levi."

"Sorry I'm not really creative with gifts," I said a bit awkwardly, not sure if Eren really liked them or not.

"No!" he shouted, and this time, I didn't flinch. I was getting used to his noise levels when it came to his habit of speaking loudly whenever he felt intense emotions.

"No," he repeated normally, "I love them! I just...nobody has ever bought me flowers before and it feels nice."

He grinned at me and I swear I could have have kissed him right then and there, but he turned towards the kitchen.

"I think my mom has some vases or something in here," he said as he went into the kitchen and I followed him.

"Where is everyone?" I asked him as he opened a cupboard and pulled out a glass vase.

"Hm?" he said, looking up at me, "Oh, uh, Mikasa is over at Jean's place and my parent's went out to dinner about fifteen minutes ago."

"Oh," I said and he looked over at me, "We can eat the chocolate together if you want. I rented Avatar because you said you had never seen it. Although, it was a lot better in 3D."

I shrugged, just looking forward to spending time with Eren. We could have been watching a blank screen and I would have been happy.

"Romantic evening you have planned," I teased and he laughed.

"Only the best for my boyfriend," he said as he put the roses in the vase and filled it with water.

"No, Eren," I said, setting down the chocolate and crossing over to him, "That's wrong."

"What?"

"You don't just put the flowers in the water," I took the vase out of his hand and set it down before I took the roses out, "You have to cut the tips off. They last longer like that."

"I thought the little packet that came with them made them last longer," he replied.

I shook my head.

"It helps, but it works a lot better if you cut the tip of the stems off," I told him.

"Why?"

"Fuck if I know, Eren," I sighed, "That's something you should probably ask Hanji. Now, get me some scissors."

Eren did as he was asked and soon we were enveloped in comfortable silence as I snipped away at the stems.

Eren wrapped his arms around my waist and put his head on my shoulder.

"You know, this doesn't exactly make doing this easier," I said, trying to shrug his head off my shoulder.

"Hmm, maybe not," he replied, "But you looked so huggable, I couldn't resist."

"You're an idiot," I told him and he only chuckled before kissing my cheek and releasing me.

Once I finished on the stems, I put them back into the water and cleaned up the stem tips before washing my hands.

"Movie now?" Eren asked hopefully and I rolled my eyes and nodded.

We ended up ordering pizza and settling on the couch surrounded with blankets since it was February, and started the movie.

I hadn't seen Avatar and that certainly wasn't going to change because after we had eaten our fill of pizza, I had seized the opportunity to stick my tongue down Eren's throat.

Every time I kissed Eren, it only seemed to get better. We didn't fumble around awkwardly like we had at first. We were more sure of ourselves and of each other and the feeling of Eren's hands all over my body definitely helped.

He ran his fingers from the base of my spine to my nape until he reached underneath my shirt and started trailing his fingers along my chest.

I've seen him shirtless quite a few times and it never ceases to impress me. I knew that I had an eight pack due to copious amounts of time at the gym, but he did too. Sports does that to a person, especially when you are as fit as Eren. He and Mikasa go running at the ass crack of dawn every other day, he told me once, and on days he doesn't go running, he said he trains at the school's gym.

I wouldn't admit it, but that fact made me silently competitive to get in better shape than him. It was working, for the most part. I could still beat him in any physical activity thus far.

I moaned into his mouth and his fingers hesitated before he groped me more firmly, scratching at me with blunt nails. I brought a hand up into his hair and tangled my fingers in the brunet locks as I wrapped my other arm around his neck to keep him close to me.

His fingers splayed across my chest and surprisingly, he pushed me back so he was on top of me. This left me nowhere to escape to as he continued to kiss me deeply, not allowing the loss of rhythm that threatened to overtake us when I gasped in surprise.

He was overpowering me, and while unusual as he normally let me have control of the physical aspect of our relationship, it wasn't entirely unwelcome.

After a few moments of trying to claim the kiss as my own, I gave up and let him invade my mouth as I breathed hard through my nose, trying desperately to get some air.

He pushed my shirt up, but didn't make any move to take it off me completely and pulled away as far as my arm would let him.

We both took in a breath of air before his lips attached to my jaw, pressing light kisses on my jaw and I was sure I let out the most embarrassing noise before I could stop myself. Eren smiled against my skin and continued his ministrations before he started on my neck. Only this time, they were open mouthed and he didn't just kiss, he _sucked_, tongue working over the skin and I bucked my hip upwards without thinking.

I hadn't noticed how hard I was until then and I noticed that Eren was thumbing around the waistline of my pants, fingers dipping slightly underneath them and tugging, silently asking for permission.

"Eren..." I gasped and he seemed to realize my hesitance and looked up at me.

"I didn't get you anything for Valentine's day and this seemed...appropriate," he said in voice that was far too sultry, "I just wanted to...to suck you off, Levi."

I was faintly relieved that he comprehended that I wanted to take things a bit slowly. For some reason, this was a lot easier with Petra, but I had a feeling that it was because I didn't like Petra as much as I liked Eren, so things weren't taken as seriously.

"Okay, Jaeger," I smirked at him, "This better be a damn good present."

He grinned and started to kiss my collarbone and his fingers fumbled for my zipper. I could tell he was nervous, and I would have told him he didn't have to if he didn't want to, but I suppose I was selfish because this was finally fucking happening.

His mouth dropped even lower and his tongue somehow found it's way to my nipples.

I had always been under the impression that nipples were more of a turn on tool for women, at least, Petra always loved it, but fuck if I didn't moan like a bitch in heat when Eren's hot mouth latched onto them.

I really needed to stop thinking about the shit Petra and I did in bed, because this was ten times better, even though it was just a blow job. It was more passionate and intimate and just...good all around, and Eren hadn't even put his mouth on me yet.

I would never tell her that, though, even though I'm sure she thought the same thing about sex with Auruo.

Gross, that was a mental image that almost turned me soft on the spot.

Eren, however, pervaded my thoughts as he tugged both my pants and underwear down to my ankles, my cock springing free, cool air making my legs get goosebumps.

Eren positioned himself between my legs, but didn't make any move to actually doing anything with my hardened cock.

"You going to sit there and stare at it all day or you going to put it into that pretty mouth of yours," I said, albeit not as sharply as I had wanted and a bit breathless.

"Sorry, it's just..." he explained, "_Bigger_ than I thought it would be."

I raised myself to my elbows and glared at him.

"You thought I had a tiny dick?" I spat at him and he smiled impishly.

"Well, you _are _kind of small for a guy, so I just thought your dick would be a little below average," Eren said honestly, "But I think you are thicker than me, but I have you beat by, like, an inch."  
I wasn't sure whether I was supposed to be flattered and impressed or angry and sulky. I went with the latter.

"You fucker," I growled, sitting up fully, "Nevermind, let's just watch the damn m-ah!"

At that moment, Eren gave an experimental lick along the underside of my cock which made me forget any resentment I felt towards him.

I let myself fall back as Eren began to knead my balls lightly, mouthing along my dick, making it a bit difficult to breathe. I looked down at him and noticed he was staring at me, his usually bright green eyes darkened with lust.

That made my whole body shudder pleasantly and I tried to control my breathing, but that was made sufficiently difficult when Eren placed his mouth over the head of my cock and sucked.

"Fuuuuuuck," I groaned as I watched him and with very precise movements and eyes that never left mine, he took me into his mouth.

Seeing Eren take my entire cock in one go, his cheeks bulging in a delicious way makes me forget to care about what kind of noises I'm making.

He pulls off and swirls his tongue around the tip.

"Shit, you fucker," I said, "Fuck, Eren..."

I hear him chuckle before he takes me in again and then he fucking _moans _around me and that makes my elbows weak but I keep myself propped up to watch, not wanting to miss a second of this because _holy shit I was actually getting head from Eren._

It wasn't until he swallowed around me that I fell backward and let my head be thrown back. My legs jerked upwards and I could feel my toes curling, but Eren never wavered. I could feel his eyes on me and it made my entire body buzz with electricity.

He bobbed his head, using his hand whenever his mouth wasn't on my cock and my hand threaded into his hair and started pulling, probably painfully, but he didn't complain.

His tongue was everywhere and my breath was coming in pants. I kept trying to stop my hips from bucking into his mouth, but he didn't seem to mind.

He quickened his pace, seeming to realize that I was approaching my orgasm and the sounds coming from his throat were ungodly, but it only fed the fire in my gut.

My hand tightened in his hair while the other scrabbled for purchase on the couch beneath me before I started gripping above my head at the arm of the sofa.

"Eren...shit...I'm going to cum!" I practically yelled and I swear he fucking chuckled with my dick in his mouth but didn't pull off.

I orgasmed with a silent scream, Eren's mouth still working me as I practically pulled his hair out of his head. I felt hot all over and I knew I was trembling as he didn't pull away as I spilled into his mouth. He fucking swallowed it all like a champ, only a little dribbling out of the corner of his mouth before he pulled away from me with a popping sound. His tongue darted out to catch the remaining cum.

I laid there, too fucked out to care that I was laying on Eren's couch with my pants around my ankles. I laid there, trying to catch my breath, mind barely registering that Eren was grinning above me.

"Happy Valentine's Day," he said excitedly and I returned the sentiments with a low groan.

"I'm," I started, trying to breath normally again, "I'm trying not to get jealous over the fact that you can suck dick so well but I'm fucking glad that you can at the same time."

He laughed before he carefully started to clean off my cock with tissues from the end table. I was struck by how fucking sweet he was being, cleaning me up after having given me a pretty spectacular blowjob.

He pulled my pants back up with care and started to move to get off the couch before I sat up. Before he, or even I, could comprehend the situation, I was on top of him.

"Do you really think that I would let the favor go unreturned?" I asked and he looked up at me with wide eyes.

"N-no," he breathed, "It was a Valentine's day-"

I shushed him by groping him and he let out a keening whimper that would make me hard if I hadn't just orgasmed.

I approach it with a lot less grace than he did. I didn't think it would be complicated. It was a dick. I could just do to Eren what he did to me.

My fantasies of sucking Eren's dick came crumbling down once I put my mouth on his hardened member.

I took it easy at first, even earning a few appreciative whines that made me want to pull more noises from him. He kept repeating my name.

I tried to take as much of him in my mouth as I could, but then he screeched, "Teeth, Levi!"

I pulled off and looked at him, hearing his words and knowing that they sounded a bit pained.

He chuckled and looked down at me.

"Be careful of your teeth," he said and smiled and not for the last time was I reminded that he was a lot better at this than I was.

I was careful to mind his advice and took up a steady rhythm, using my hand for what my mouth couldn't reach. Eren was right when he said he was longer than I was, but not quite as thick. The tip of his dick kept hitting the back of my throat and I kept having to gasp for air.

Eren, to his credit, was extremely patient and actually seemed to be enjoying it, despite my lack of experience in dick sucking.

At one point, I tried to take all of him in my mouth and ended up choking. Eren pulled my head away gently and said, "As good as you choking on my dick feels, I think that neither one of us wants you to puke on the couch. It's alright to go slow, Levi."

He wasn't being condescending and the fact that he was better at this than I was pissed me off, but I had never had anyone to practice sucking dick with before.

But my inexperience seemed to make us...equals.

I actually found a method and rhythm that worked for both of us, me fondling his balls as I bobbed my head and used my other hand to pump where my mouth wasn't.

He was loud, louder than I was when he came, my name ripping out of his throat like a desperate prayer, and despite his warnings that he was going to cum, I didn't pull off, wanting to attempt to swallow just as he did.

But the taste was bitter and it came shooting out faster than I expected. I choked, and pulled away, but that was a terrible idea in itself because I ended up with a face full of semen. I continued to pump Eren's length as he continued to climax, but I was absolutely disgusted at the mess we had both just made.

Eren let out a ragged sigh before he looked at me and he began to fucking giggle.

"What the fuck is it?" I asked, sitting up and trying to find some more tissues. My face needed to be washed terribly, but I didn't want the sticky residue to even start drying on me. This was fucking messy and I was almost appalled I had let this happen. Almost.

"I'm sorry," he gasped, "But your face is priceless. You look so...offended."

He laid his head back down and threw an arm over his face as he laughed. And fuck him for his laughter being infectious because I actually smiled.

"It's your damn fault," I said, still trying to sulk.

"I warned you!" he said, "It's not my fault you are trying to be a pro your first time sucking a dick."

I grumbled and cleaned him up as well. The whole time, he watched me. He looked as if he wanted to say something, but didn't.

"What?" I eventually snapped.

He blushed, but he spoke anyway.

"I was just thinking that you must really want to wash your face and brush your teeth, but you are cleaning me up first," he said bashfully.

To be honest, I did want to do those things. I felt so incredibly dirty right now, it was making my skin crawl and I wanted, no, _needed_ to get to the bathroom soon or I was going to have a full meltdown.

I shrugged, trying to be casual.

"You're more important," I said, but I did stand after I pulled his pants up, "But I do need a bathroom now, and you can be guaranteed that I'm not going to be kissing you if you don't brush your teeth either."

Eren looked a bit speechless but then he nodded and stood up, taking my hand and leading me to the bathroom.

"Alright, Grumpy," he agreed happily.


	22. 11-Present

Dealing with a large inheritance was a lot more work than I had originally thought. I had to separate the money into different bank accounts. That was to ensure that if one account was hacked into, all my money wouldn't be taken.

Then there were her relatives who tried to contest her will, saying that I had no right to the money. Fortunately, they were shot down right away. I felt sorry for them until they made it obvious that all they wanted from Mrs. Brown was her money.

Ian suggested that I spend some of it right away, but I declined, knowing that I would keep Mrs. Brown's promise. But there was also another issue I wanted to take care of.

"I'm afraid it's not possible, Levi," Mr. Jaeger says sadly.

"Why not?" I ask, raising my voice, "I have tons of money! There has to be something we can do, right?"

We are sitting in the Jaeger's kitchen at the table. I had come over when I knew Mikasa and Armin were taking Eren to a movie so he wouldn't overhear the conversation.

"Levi, let me assure you that as a doctor and a father, I've looked into everything I could," Grisha saus, "Vocal cord transplants, electrolarynx, even the replacement of his entire throat and esophagus. I'm _still_ looking for a way to give my son his voice back, but...whatever that bastard did to Eren, he ensured that it wouldn't be possible."

"Bullshit!" I yell as I smash my fist onto the table and both Mr. Jaeger and his wife jump.

"Levi," Carla says softly, "Nobody wants to see Eren be able to speak as much as we do. But, and Grisha could probably say it better, but when they took him into that operating room just after he was found, they couldn't believe he had survived that long. That coach...he really messed Eren's throat up. My son could barely breath and the damage was too extreme. He died three times on that table, Levi, just so the doctors could get him to breath normally and have his esophagus function properly again. If we even tried to...do anything, he could very well die for good."

I shake my head, not wanting to believe a word of what she is saying.

"But...he's healed since then, right?" I ask with a sliver of hope, "If he's healed...it would be easier, right? There would be less of a risk?"

By the looks on their faces, I can see that I'm wrong.

"Organs are normally sturdy and strong," Grisha says, "But if damaged, it can be hard to fix them. The surgeons did the best they could, but even now, Eren has to get checked up on a regular basis to make sure his larynx is the way it is supposed to be. That man did more than just take his vocal cords. He completely destroyed Eren's throat."

I was brought back to the memory of Eren trying to eat for the first time when he was in the hospital. He had acted like he expected to cough and I remember being told that the passages had been scrambled or something like that and that there had been food in his lungs causing aspiration pneumonia. He had been fucked up to the moon and back.

We sit in silence before Carla stands and asks if I want anything more to drink, but I shake my head.

"I..." I start, gaining their attention, "I'm not going to stop looking for a way to get his voice back."

They stare at me before Carla's eyes get a determined look in them and Grisha smiles.

"Neither are we, Levi," he answers and I know we have just reached some level of respect for each other.

Even after talking to them, I decide to call Hanji to see what she thought. She was the smartest person I knew, so I chance it and ask her.

"I hate to say it, Levi, but Doctor Jaeger probably knows more about this than I do," she says over the phone, "Yeah, there are a lot of experimental surgeries, but they don't do any good if cutting open his throat runs the risk of him not surviving."

"There is really nothing you can think of?" I ask desperately.

"I'm not a doctor, Levi," she tells me, voice full of pity, "And even when I become one, I won't become _that_ kind of doctor. I'm not exactly the most knowledgeable. But, I would take Doctor Jaeger's word on it. Odds are he has probably spent all of his time trying to figure out a way to change Eren's situation."

I have to admit she is probably right. Eren's dad was completely serious when he said they weren't going to give up either. But I hated the fact that I had a fuck ton of money but absolutely no way to help Eren.

I was about to speak to Hanji again when I heard a loud shout come from her end of the line.

"Hanji?" I ask, a bit concerned.

"Zoe! You shouldn't be mixing those while you are the phone!" a new voice shouts from somewhere in the background.

"I'm fine, Mo!" she replies cheerily, "It didn't drop on my leg, so I'm fine."

"But it's actually eating away at the chair. Maybe I should do it while you talk, okay?"

"Fine, fine," she huffs but then turns her attention back to me, "You still there, Levi?"

"Yeah," I answer, "What was that all about?"

"Oh, I'm in the lab with my class partner, Moblit. Say hi, Mo!" I hear an exasperated 'Hello' and I pity the poor soul that was paired off with Hanji as a lab partner, "We're doing some extra credit right now."

"You sound like you are giving him gray hairs prematurely," I say and she snorts.

"Nah, he just tends to be a bit more careful than I am," she tells me and I can hear the dude protesting and saying something about him valuing his life.

"You could stand to be more careful, Shit-Specs," I say.

"You can't call me that!" she protests, "You have glasses too now!"

"Doesn't mean they're shitty," I retort and she laughs.

"Whatever you say, Small Fry," she chuckles and I growl, "I have to go now, but I'll text you later and I'll see you in a month!"

Oh, that's right. Hanji and Erwin would be back for winter break. I find myself growing excited.

"Right, see you later, Hanji," I say, "Try not to kill the both of you over there."

"No promises!" she says before she hangs up.

I sigh.

It's strange to think that all of my high school classmates are in their second year of college now. I might be inclined to think that I have nothing going for me, but I have a job I enjoyed, for the most part, and I am a fucking millionaire.

Legalities of my inheritance aside, I haven't stepped foot into Mrs. Brown's place. It's too strange at the moment to do so, even thought the place is mine legally. I know I should clean the place out and find out what to keep and what to get rid of, but I can't find the courage to go over and do so.

So the key sits in the first drawer of my desk as I procrastinate.

One thing I don't want to delay is the condition that I take Eren to see the ocean. I decide that Eren would probably be more comfortable if he could take Armin and Mikasa with him. I don't have my passport and I'm not sure if the other three do, so I text all of them and tell them that I want to talk.

We decide to meet at Eren's place, which seems to have always been the standard meeting place.

I haven't seen Armin in a while due to him commuting and juggling a lot of classes, but over all he looks good.

"Can I get you guys something to drink?" Mikasa asks and both Armin and I go for a water while Eren merely shakes his head.

Once we get situated, Armin asks, "So, what's this about?"

I look over to Eren and I see him watching me closely. I've started to notice that he has been wearing a red scarf around his neck a lot more recently as an effort to cover up the nasty looking scar he has. He told me once that the scarf was a gift from him to Mikasa a long time ago.

I clear my throat, deciding to address the scarf thing later.

"I'm sure Eren's already told you, but I'm fucking rich now," I say and I don't wait for their reactions, "One of the conditions was that I take Eren to see the ocean and I'm inviting the two of you as well."

Eren's eyes widen, not expecting my words.

"Wait, you want us to come with the two of you?" Armin asks and Mikasa is giving me a hard look that's not malicious, but analytical.

"Yeah, Arlert," I say, "That's why I asked. I figured Eren would want you guys there too."

I looked to Eren for confirmation and he nodded his head, looking more animated about the entire thing.

"And just when do you think any of us have the time to go on this trip?" Mikasa asks and I roll my eyes at her tone.

"I found out that you and Armin are on spring break at the same time," I answer, "I was hoping we could go then."

She thinks this over, but Armin, for once, doesn't.

"I'd love to go!" he says excitedly before turning to Eren, "We're going to get to see the ocean! It's going to be great!"

Eren grinned at Armin and looked over at me with a silent look of gratitude. I knew that he was more excited for Armin's sake, but he did want to go as well.

"Where exactly are we going?" Mikasa asks and I bit my lip.

"Belize," I answer.

Armin's eyes get wide and Mikasa's mouth drops open.

"Belize?" Armin squeaks, "We are going out of the country?"

"Yeah, so if you don't have a passport, you should probably get one," I tell all three of them, "You probably should talk it over with your parents first, though."

I added the last part as an afterthought, but I notice that Mikasa seems a little less against the idea once I mention it.

Still, she shuffles for a moment, seeming hesitant to agree, and Eren looks at her until she looks up.

"_Do you not want to come?_" he asks, and damn it all, he's pulling that puppy dog look on her.

"It's not that," she mumbles, "Of course I want to come."

Eren looks as equally baffled by her behavior as I do. Armin looks over at me and mouths, '_Jean'_, and everything clicks.

I sigh.

"If Eren's okay with it," I say, "You both can bring someone else, too."

Eren looks confused for a moment before looking over at Mikasa. A look of realization crosses his face and I can tell he doesn't know exactly what he's feeling. I think it's the first time he realizes that Jean is actually going to be a more permanent fixture in Mikasa's life than he had ever thought the two-toned haired boy would.

Mikasa and Jean had been together for a long time, longer than even Eren and I. Even I hadn't thought about how serious their relationship was until now. The fact that Mikasa wasn't going to agree right away just to be close to her brother as she once would have says a lot about how she felt about her boyfriend.

Something like abandonment flashes in Eren's eyes, but he covers it well and nods.

"_The more the merrier_," he says, smiling.

"It's extra money," Mikasa argues, but it's half-hearted.

"I have plenty to spare," I point out and she thinks it over.

"Alright," she nods, "I want to bring Jean."

Eren looks to the floor but doesn't say anything. Both Armin and Mikasa are focused on me, so they don't notice Eren reach up to wipe at his eyes.

Eren thinks he was losing his sister.

"If it's alright," Armin says shyly, blushing slightly "I'd like to bring someone too..."

"Yes, it's fine if you bring Annie along," I say with the wave of my hand, still focused on Eren, "Fuck knows that Mikasa needs someone to sit and brood with."

Armin turns bright red at the mention of his somewhat girlfriend. They aren't dating, but they are sure close enough to do so if they wanted.

"So if that's everything for now, I wanted to ask you guys another question," I say and Eren turns his attention to me as well. His eyes are dry, but there is a hardness underneath the curiosity that makes me think that this distraction is going to be good for him.

"I want you to find some organizations that would benefit from donations," I tell them, "Non-profit preferably. I don't want my money lining someone's pockets when there are others who need it a lot more."

"You're donating all your money?" Mikasa asks, obviously surprised.

"Not all of it," I answer, "But I sure as fuck don't need nearly thirteen million dollars, plus the value of whatever she has inside the house too. Her lawyer told me that was quite a bit as well."

There is a pause where everyone thinks over what I just said and decides where the money could go.

"Definitely somewhere that helps children get the education they need," Armin says, "There are lots of places nationally and internationally that could benefit from something like that."

"An organization that helps women get out of abusive relationships and provides support for them," Mikasa says quickly, as if she is afraid I will say no.

They are good suggestions and I wonder why I didn't think of them, but it makes me all the more glad I asked. I could ask Erwin and Hanji their opinions later.

I look to Eren and he chews on his lip thoughtfully.

"_A place that provides for kidnap victims and helps them get back on their feet_," he says and Mikasa reaches a hand out to rub his shoulder, "_Or you could donate so a tribe in Africa can have clean water and food._"

I should have written their suggestions down, but I figure I will remember in the end.

"Alright, sounds good to me," I say, "Each of you find a place and tell me and I will donate there. I trust your judgment on this. Don't just go with the first thing you see."

They all agree and we somewhat disperse after that. Mikasa goes to call Jean and tell him about the vacation, but Armin stays.

"You aren't losing her," he says suddenly and I look up at him to realize he's talking to Eren.

Eren fixes him with a glare.

"I'm serious, Eren," Armin says strongly, "Just because she loves someone else, doesn't mean she loves you any less."

"_Leave it alone, Armin_," he says with a pained look on his face and Armin sighs, deciding not to speak anymore.

"He's right though," I say and Eren glowers at me, "I won't say anything else, but Armin's right."

Eren looks down at the floor before he tells us he is going to watch some TV and we are welcome to join. He tugs on the scarf and adjusts his earbuds and gives us a bright smile.

But once again, it's lost its luster as it appears forced.


End file.
